Old News

Special to the Daily Dishrag - The Daily Dishrag obtained this exclusive interview with Iranian spokesperson Ali Ali Aksinfri. The subject is White House criticism of the recent Iranian elections.

DD: Mr. Aksinfri, what was your reaction to statements from the US President that your recent elections were undemocratic?

AAA: Extreme gratitude.

DD: But what about the charges that moderate candidates were not allowed to run, and that the government is, in fact, run by an unelected clique?

AAA: Oh, everyone knows that. That's old news. Hasn't Mr. Bush been paying attention? Did I mention that we were extremely grateful for his comments? They really greased the skids for our right-wing fundamentalist fanatics.

DD: Are you admitting that your election system is bogus?

AAA: Old news, as I said. Way older than the Downing Street memos. We've been a theocratic autocracy since the Revolution. Very old news.

DD: Um ... ye-e-es. I see. Well, how about the election of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad? Former American hostages claim that he was one of their captors back in 1979.

AAA: Ah, yes. That boosts his popularity immeasurably in Iran.

DD: But President Bush says that this raises questions about Mr. Ahmadinejad's fitness to be President.

AAA: I don't know if I have properly expressed our profound gratitude to Mr. Bush. Have I?

DD: But what about Mr. Bush's concerns?

AAA: Deeply, deeply grateful. Really.

DD: So, you don't think Mr. Ahmadinejad's alleged past as a hostage-taker affects his qualifications to govern?

AAA: Old news, in any case. More than 30 years older than the Downing Street memos. Not to mention an invasion and thousands of lives less.

DD: Is it your opinion, then, that crimes don't matter, if they were committed a long time ago?

AAA: Isn't it yours?