Occupy the Temple

BREAKING NEWS: The so-called "occupy" movement took an ugly turn today, as an unemployed carpenter violently attempted to expel the money changers from the Temple in Jerusalem. The local Roman garrison was on hand with plenty of pepper spray and pointy objects to restore order.

Observers have long suspected this "movement's" potential for violence, due to the amount of force used by the Roman soldiers to suppress it. JACKAL News has been at the forefront of exposing this alleged movement, which is only now showing its radical, anti-Judean colors. However, in the interests of fair and balanced reporting, we give you an analysis by the bipartisan National Scold Machine:

"How dare that socialist hippie attack money changers! Boy, talk about being on the wrong side of history, huh? Why doesn't he get a job? Money changers are the foundation of our society! They belong in the Temple! Why, they're the ones who make our economy work! What's holier than that? If those people want to attack someone, they should attack people who try to stop money changers from stealing anything that isn't tied down. That's an un-Judean restraint of larceny, that is! Furthermore, those 'occupy' heathens don't even know what they want. They're so disorganized, unlike the loyal Roman garrisons, for example, whose suppression activities are so organized, you would almost think they were coordinated. Harrumph, harrumph."

JACKAL News, reporting.