Objectivity

Mr. Witness just happened to be passing by when Mr. Mugger mugged Mr. Victim. Mr. Witness witnessed the whole thing. Fortunately, Officer Copper appeared on the scene almost immediately.

"What's all this, then?" asked Officer Copper generically, in the finest tradition of the force.

Mr. Mugger and Mr. Victim were bickering incoherently, exchanging charges and counter-charges, so Officer Copper turned to Mr. Witness as the only disinterested party on the scene.

Mr. Witness cleared his throat and patiently waited for the clamor to die down. "Ok," he said to Mr. Victim, "what happened?"

"Well, well ... you saw it, didn't you?" sputtered Mr. Victim. "This man accosted me, brandishing a handgun, and took all my money!"

"I see," said Mr. Witness, turning to Mr. Mugger. "How about you? What's your story?"

"I didn't do it!" swore Mr. Mugger. "That was my money, and I had to liberate it from his wallet. Anyone who says different is a criminal sympathizer and doesn't support our fine police force."

"I like this guy," said Officer Copper. "I think we should make him Chief of Police." And Mr. Mugger and Officer Copper walked off, arm in arm.

"Why did you do that?" screamed Mr. Victim at Mr. Witness. "You saw the whole thing. You know that bastard stuck me up at gunpoint."

"I have to maintain my objectivity," replied Mr. Witness. "I have to represent the interests of the general public. I can't go taking sides with special interests."

"Special interests?" babbled Mr. Victim. "What special interests?"

"That would be you," explained Mr. Witness. "You have a vested interest in these proceedings."

"Vested ... well, of course, I do!" yelped Mr. Victim. "That SOB robbed me! Your objectivity? What about the truth?"

"Well, what is Truth, after all?" philosophized Mr. Witness rhetorically. "I mean, compared to my obligation to the public."