Not Worth the Price

"Captain, Captain! There's a whacking great gash in the hull, and water is pouring in!"

"Yes?" sniffed the captain, cocking an annoyed eyebrow. "What is it this time?"

"An iceberg, Captain!" stammered the crewman. "We've hit an iceberg!"

"No such thing as icebergs," said the captain.

"Um, I think you'll find there is," replied the crewman. "See that big white thing bobbing alongside the ship? That's what we call just the tip of the iceberg. The bottom part is kind of ... sitting in the place formerly occupied by our hold."

"Well, maybe there is such a thing as an iceberg," allowed the captain, "but what has that got to do with me?"

"What has ...," sputtered the crewman. "It has a lot to do with all of us! It's making the ship sink!"

"Not my fault," said the captain.

"I'm afraid it is your fault, sir," insisted the crewman. "As captain, you're responsible for the ship. But whether it's your fault or not is rather beside the point. The ship is going down."

"So, what do you want me to do about it?" yawned the captain.

"We must repair the hull!" cried the crewman.

"Nah," drawled the captain. "That would be too expensive."

"Too expensive?" gasped the crewman. "How can it be too expensive. If we don't do it, everyone will die! The passengers are very upset. They insist that we take action."

"Screw the passengers," said the captain. "They don't pay my salary."

"The heck they don't!" replied the crewman. "The price of their tickets supports the company that pays your salary."

"How young you are," said the captain. "Just tell the passengers that their ticket prices will go up if we do repairs."

"That's insane," retorted the crewman. "They don't care about ticket prices. They'll be dead."

"Oh, just repeat it a few times," scoffed the captain. "Some of them will go for it. After all, it'll be minutes before they have to worry about consequences."

"You're going to die, too," noted the crewman. "Don't you get that?"

"Oh, no," droned the captain. "I expect everything will be fine in the end."