A chat with my loony liberal friend Rudy is always good for a laugh. He's a big fan of that runt Congressman. You know the one. Alway rushing off on quixotic quests for national office.

"Now, there's a true patriot. He would make a great President," sighs Rudy. "It's a national disgrace, how the mainstream pundits ridicule him."

"President?" I scoff. "He's not even a Congressman! Showman is more like it."

"At least, his constituents appreciate him," Rudy points out. "They keep returning him to Congress by large majorities."

"They must have mush for brains," I reply. "The Founding Fathers must be rolling over in their graves. To think that such a clown could serve in the same Congress as some of those great men."

"A most worthy successor, I would say," he actually does say.

"Are you kidding?" I just shake my head. "That guy is so far left of the mainstream that he can't even see Marx and Lenin on his right. Just think about what his crazy, far-out political fantasies. Far-left fantasies, I should say. Pro-terrorist, if you ask me."

"All of his positions are principled, Constitutional stands," lies Rudy. He's either lying or deluded, one.

"So, how come he opposes the President's Constitutional role as Commander in Chief, huh?"

"It's called 'separation of powers,'" quibbles Rudy. "Congress has the power and responsibility to declare war."

"Nonsense!" I riposte. "Separation of powers is about the Supreme Court keeping its nose out of politics."

"If only they did," he replies irrelevantly.

"How about obstructing the President's necessary surveillance and arrest of terrorists?"

"All our imperial President has to do is get a warrant," says Rudy. "But he can't be bothered. Neither could King George. That's why we have the Fourth Amendment, which prohibits unreasonable search and seizure."

"Well, your guy is against free speech," I point out. "He opposes Free Speech Zones."

"'Zones,' yes," he says. "The whole country is a free speech zone. That's the First Amendment."

"But you have to apply it reasonably," I say reasonably. "If you don't, anyone could say anything! They could give aid and comfort to terrorists! Anyway, your guy is against freedom of religion. That's First Amendment, too. He's against church schools!"

"That's state support of religious schools," Rudy quibbles shamelessly. "Separation of church and state, you know."

"That's not in the Constitution! The Founding Fathers never intended that!" I score big on that one. "Anyway, I think your guy's an atheist. Maybe even a Muslim. Like the Nigra. He's a regular George W. Bush."

"Interesting that you invoke that Revolutionary War era traitor," says Rudy nastily. "I think the analogy fits President Arnold better. James Madison is a statesman, a patriot, and true supporter of the Constitution."

"How dare you impugn the character of a sitting President!" I reply righteously. "President Benedict Arnold puts his butt on the line every day so that people like you can spew treasonous crap like that without being tortured and imprisoned! I just wish that Dennis Kucinich, the Father of the Constitution, were here right now to set you straight! Now, there was a giant of a man, figuratively speaking, of course, whose boots your Madison is not fit to lick!"