Murky Intelligence
                                                                                       copyright © 2003 by Robert L. Blau

Special to the Daily Dishrag - On July 27, 2003, Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz declared that the United States must be prepared to act on "murky" intelligence in its war on terrorism.  The following is an exclusive interview of Deputy Secretary Wolfowitz by Daily Dishrag reporter Brian Beegle.

Brian Beegle:  Mr. Secretary, you stated that, in the war on terrorism, the United States must be prepared to act on murky intelligence.  Did we act on murky intelligence in Iraq?

Secretary Paul Wolfowitz:  Yes, we did, Brian.  If we hadn't, we'd be eating anthrax surprise today.  Know what I mean?

BB:  Uh, not really.  So, could you give me some examples of murky intelligence?  Would that be like when the President said,  "Intelligence gathered by this and other governments leaves no doubt that the Iraq regime continues to possess and conceal some of the most lethal weapons ever devised?"  Or when he said, "Right now, Iraq is expanding and improving facilities that were used for the production of biological weapons?"  Or when he said, "Iraq has stockpiled biological and chemical weapons, and is rebuilding the facilities used to make more of those weapons?"  Or how about "The evidence indicates that Iraq is reconstituting its nuclear weapons program. Saddam Hussein has held numerous meetings with Iraqi nuclear scientists, a group he calls his 'nuclear mujahideen' -- his nuclear holy warriors. Satellite photographs reveal that Iraq is rebuilding facilities at sites that have been part of its nuclear program in the past. Iraq has attempted to purchase high-strength aluminum tubes and other equipment needed for gas centrifuges, which are used to enrich uranium for nuclear weapons?"

PW:  Ha, ha, ha!  No, no, those are True Lies, Brian.

BB:  "True Lies?"  Isn't that an oxymoron.

PW:  Of course not!  A "True Lie" is a statement that is true because it advances the cause of Right, even if some of the details aren't exactly accurate.

BB:  That wouldn't be "the cause of the Right," would it?

PW:  Isn't that what I said?

BB:  So, even if the entire statement is false, that would be ok?

PW:  Sure.  The point is that the common sheep -- I mean people -- aren't ready for murky intelligence, so we have to give them simple, unequivocal statements.  It's like when you read to small children.  You would choose a simple story about, say, Barney, rather than something on Einstein's Theory of Relativity.  And you have to speak slowly and clearly.

BB:  So, you might say, "Barney has a big gun, and he's going to shoot you with it, if you don't turn off that program," rather than, "Barney makes me nauseous, and anyway, I want to watch ESPN."

PW:  Very good, Brian.  You're catching on.

BB:  Let's try some examples.  Weapons of Mass Destruction - What's the murky intelligence behind that?

PW:  Intelligence indicates that the Iraq once used chemical weapons and would be a great power base in the Middle East.

BB:  The al-Qaeda link.

PW:  Intelligence indicates that, if Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden ever got on speaking terms, they might cause us some trouble, and we know the location and capacity of all their oil wells.

BB:  Iraq was responsible for the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001.

PW:  Hee, hee!  I never said that!

BB:  Let's explore another angle.  Most of the 9/11 hijackers were Saudis, not Iraqis, as most Americans seem to believe.  It has been widely reported that they were also supported financially by persons high in the Saudi government.  Also, the Saudi royal house has intricate connections with Wahhabism, an extreme radical Muslim sect that treats even other Muslims as infidels and has also been associated with al-Qaeda.  Is this murky intelligence?

PW:  Absolutely not.  You are confusing murky intelligence with inconvenient fact.

BB:  And the difference is ... ?

PW:  Saudi Arabia is our ally.  We don't have to invade them to get cooperation on their oil.

BB:  But what if they really did support the 9/11 attacks?

PW:  They're our ally, Brian.  If that costs a few thousand American lives every once in a while, that's a small price to pay.

BB:  I see.  What about Pakistan.  There's another autocratic regime that was once the staunchest ally of the Taliban and supports terrorism in Kashmir.  Murky intelligence?

PW:  Ally, Brian, ally.  Are you slow, or what?  Anyway, Indian lives don't count.

BB:  Thank you, Mr. Secretary, for an outstanding demonstration of murky intelligence.