Moderate

As a moderate, it is my role to strike a balance among radicals of all colors. The Left thinks I am a reactionary. The Right thinks I am, at best, a Liberal stooge. But they both need me and others like me. Otherwise, no cool-headed compromise could be accomplished, ideological intransigence would prevail, political gridlock would ensue, and society would crumble. I'll give you an example.

Now, this one involves a constituent from ... shall we say? ... the left of the aisle. But I could have chosen an example from the other side of the political spectrum. Anyway, let's call this constituent "A."

"A" and others of his ilk have been squawking at me for years about this and that, and everything is a crisis and impending doom and a threat to the survival of the species. I always reply with a cool, rational analysis of the problem, calm their fears, and tamp down the hysteria. Just last week, "A" flagged me down, waving and screeching, as I took my morning constitutional.

"Senator, Senator!" called "A." "It is imperative that we take immediate action to reverse Environmental Change!"

"That is a very serious matter," I replied seriously.

"Our survival as a species is at stake!" cried "A" passionately. (See what I mean?)

"This is certainly a matter for sober consideration," I said soberly.

"All of the authorities agree that something must be done!" "A" continued.

"That is cause for reflection," said I reflectively.

"Immediately!" he squawked.

"Not all authorities agree, however," I pointed out. "Some suggest that these changes are simply natural cycles, and not susceptible to anything we do."

"No, no!" he was practically sobbing. "We must change our behavior immediately, if we hope to survive!" (See? There he goes again with the "survival" bit.)

"In my considered opinion," I say considerately, "more study is called for. A lot more study. This is not something we should rush into in ignorance." I can't just say that change is too hard and too inconvenient, or that the guys who keep returning me to the Senate are comfortable with the status quo.

"You don't understand!" pleads "A." "We don't have that kind of time. They just walk up and bash your head in!"

"Rest assured," I say reassuringly. "I will keep your views in mind at the next meeting of the Dodo Senate."

I am certain that the world will long remember us in a way that does credit to our wisdom.

This is not actually significantly different from what I hear from my "moderate" senator.