You are probably aware that the hero Heracles dispatched the nine-headed Hydra as one of his famous 12 labors. The Hydra was the monster that had the disconcerting habit of growing two new heads for every one that got lopped off. Solving that problem required a little understanding of cause and effect. Heracles solved the problem by cauterizing each wound as soon as he severed a head. What you may not know is that Heracles was not the first hero to engage the monster ...
When the Hydra wiped out its first
village, it only had one head. Nevertheless, all of Greece was appalled.
Leaders from around the country quickly pulled together a Leaders Council
and agreed that extraordinary means were called for. They decided
to engage the services of a world-class hero to destroy the monster.
After due consideration, the Mighty Christopher was selected for the job.
"What do you plan to do?" the leaders
asked the Mighty Christopher.
"I'm going to cut off that sucker's
head and avenge all those innocent villagers!" declared the Mighty Christopher.
"Don't you need to do some planning?"
they asked. "Are you sure you know enough about this monster?"
"I know all I need to" said the Mighty
Christopher.
So, the Mighty Christopher strode
forth to meet the Hydra. He cut off its head in short order and brought
it home in triumph. There were celebrations throughout the land.
The next day, the Hydra devoured two villages.
"Mighty Christopher!" squawked the
Leaders Council. "What happened?"
"It must be another Hydra!"
the Mighty Christopher declared. "Evil Incidents are very simple.
An Evil Perpetrator perpetrates Evil because it is Evil. Period.
End of story. Each incident is self-contained and can't possibly
be influenced by any other events."
"Why not?" asked the Leadership Council.
"Because if you start bringing in
complicating factors, you distract attention from the Essential Evil of
the Perpetrator. Someone might think the Perpetrator was somehow
justified, or even that the victims deserved their fate."
"Well, that doesn't make any sense
at all," they said, "but you're the monster expert. Say, we happen
to have a survivor from the last disaster. Maybe he can shed some
light on this. This is Eddie the Greek. Eddie, what did you
see?"
"The monster had two heads," said
Eddie.
"See?" said the Mighty Christopher.
"It was a different beast. The first one had only one head, and I
cut that off."
"Um, some of my late friends said
they saw the beast grow two heads where the first had been severed," said
Eddie.
"What!?" screamed the Mighty Christopher.
"Are you saying they deserved to die?"
"No," replied Eddie. "I think
what I said was that some of my late friends said they saw the beast grow
two heads where the first had been severed."
"Slander!" snorted the Mighty Christopher.
"I'm going to slay this second monster, just the way I slew the first!"
And off he went. Before long,
he returned with two Hydra heads, each looking remarkably like the first.
There were even bigger celebrations throughout the land. The next
day, the Hydra devoured four villages.
"Good heavens! Now what?" asked
the Leaders Council.
Eddie had something to say.
"This time, I followed the Mighty Christopher and watched what happened.
After he chopped off the Hydra's two heads, four more grew back.
I saw it with my own eyes."
"Impossible!" fumed the Mighty Christopher.
"You sound like a Hydra sympathizer. This has to be yet another brand
new beast, and I'm going to deal with it as I did with the others."
Off went the Mighty Christopher.
In scarcely any time at all, he returned with four more Hydra heads.
This time, the celebrations were somewhat muted. The next day, the
Hydra devoured eight villages.
By the time the Mighty Christopher
sallied forth to do battle with the new Hydra, the Leaders Council had
already decided to terminate his contract. They were not, therefore,
particularly disappointed when he did not return from this latest encounter.
Since the Mighty Christopher was never heard from again, no one knows for
sure what happened. However, since Heracles later did battle with
a nine-headed monster, it is speculated that the Mighty Christopher managed
to bag one more head.