The Miers Nomination: A Translation for the Politically Hearing-Impaired
copyright © 2005 by Robert L. Blau
This helpful guide is provided for those who are having difficulty understanding the rhetoric flying around the Supreme Court nomination of Harriet Miers ...
George W. Bush: Harriet Miers is an outstanding nominee for the United States Supreme Court.
Translation: She will vote to overturn Roe v Wade.
Loony "Religious" Right: Harriet Miers is not qualified to serve on the U.S. Supreme Court.
Translation: She's a liberal, papist, faggot-loving abortion-slut.
GWB: Harriet Miers has strong, conservative credentials.
Translation: Forget about her years as a Democrat and pro-choice advocate.
L"R"R: Her credentials are inconclusive.
Translation: We can't.
GWB: You'll like her. Trust me.
Translation: Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink. Know what I mean? She'll dismantle the separation between church and state, stick it to the faggots, expand executive power, and shill for wealthy corporations. Oh, yes. Did I mention that she'll vote to overturn Roe v Wade? Have I ever lied to you? No, listen carefully: Have ...I ... ever ... lied ... to ... you? I mean, about important things. Very much.
L"R"R: There are many distinguished jurists with impeccable conservative credentials who are more qualified.
Translation: What we're looking for, is a rabid fanatic who sucked bigoted fundamentalism and hatred of queers and abortionists at his mother's teat.
GWB: Harriet is very religious. She belongs to an evangelical church in Texas.
Translation: Don't worry: She's not a Catholic anymore. She's just as ignorant, judgmental, and bigoted as you are!
L"R"R: We're not sure she properly represents Conservative values.
Translation: She's never been married, for Chrissake! We think she's a Lesbo.
GWB: Harriet Miers used to date Nathan Hecht, the respected Conservative Texas Supreme Court Justice.
Translation: See? She's heterosexual! And she dates heavyweight Conservatives! No sex, of course! She doesn't believe in it any more than you do, except for mandatory procreation!
L"R"R: Unlike Liberals, who care only about partisan politics, we care about a candidate's qualifications.
Translation: You can't trust a woman when it comes to abortion. Just look at what the O'Connor bitch has done to us over the years!
GWB: Harriet will never change her mind.
Translation: Relax! She will vote to overturn Roe v Wade.
L"R"R: Supreme Court Justices have been known to change their minds, once they have been confirmed.
Translation: Look, she did it once, she can do it again. What we have in mind is a single-minded ideologue whom we can count on to overturn Roe v Wade. Is that too much to ask? We have never changed our minds about anything, ever!
GWB: Did I mention that you can trust me?
Translation: Just how much is this going to cost me?
L"R"R: We don't believe Harriet Miers embodies the highest Conservative ideals.
Translation: Sorry, George. She just isn't mean enough.