Once upon a time, there was a wealthy king named Midas. King Midas loved all riches, but he loved oil beyond all else.
    “I really love oil,” said King Midas. “I wish that everything I touched would turn to oil.”
    King Midas wished very hard, and the U.S. Congress heard his wish. Since King Midas gave lavish gifts to many members of the Congress to get them elected in spite of their incompetence, the Congress granted his wish. So, King Midas drilled all over the map, and the oil gushed merrily forth. The king was very happy.
    King Midas had a daughter whom he loved almost as much as riches, but not quite.
    “Dad,” said his daughter, “are you sure you’re doing the right thing?”
    “Of course I am!” said Midas. “Look at all the oil! Look at all the profits! How can anything be wrong with that?”
    “We learned in school that burning all those fossil fuels is bad for the planet,” said his daughter. “Have you heard of Global Warming?”
    Midas smiled indulgently. “That’s a fairy tale dreamed up by liberals who don’t want smart people like me to make any money.”
    “But what about the quality of the air?” asked his daughter. “All the stuff we’re putting into it can’t be good.”
    “Fiddle-faddle,” replied her father. “There’s no scientific proof of that. Look at all the healthy people walking around. How bad can it be?”

    When the frogs started showing up with six legs and one eye, or three legs and half a head, Midas laughed. “How interesting!” he said.
    When the old people started dying of cancer and respiratory illnesses, Midas said, “They were old. It was time for them to die. Good thing, too.”
    When the children started dying, Midas said, “Tsk, tsk. Well, they’re not my kids.”
    When his own daughter died of asthma, Midas shed oily tears and said, “There’s no scientific proof...”.
    When hurricanes pounded California and then drought ravaged the country from Washington state to Mexico and then the Mississippi hopped its banks, Midas said, “Tsk, tsk. Well, no skin off my nose.”
    When the oceans started encroaching on the coastlines, Midas said, “C’est la vie!”
    When his own enterprises started getting inundated, Midas thought it was time to visit the Congress again.

    Midas found the surviving members of Congress treading water in the capital.
    “I wish you would take back the oily touch and put everything back the way it was,” said Midas.
    “In case you hadn’t noticed,” they answered, “we’re not God. Maybe we acted like God. But if you bought that, that’s your lookout, isn’t it? Sorry. What you see is what you’ve got. But no hard feelings, ok? Just keep those lavish gifts coming to our new capital in Denver.”