Me Tarsands

Me Tarsands. You Pane. Him Cheetah. Now, when me say, "You Pane," no talkin' 'bout main squeeze. Tarsands main squeeze called "Big Oil." Little like "Olive Oyl," but bigger. Me mean, you Pane t'rough da nose. You Pane lotsa money. And lotsa pain. Cheetah not his name. Cheetah what he do. Him ... whatchacallit? ... Tarsands manager. Him sell you Tarsands, make big bucks, wreck en-vi-ron-ment. Say you get big bang for buck. Not say what kind bang. Him big cheetah.

You build Tarsands big pipeline. Let Tarsands escape from cold, disgusting, backwoodsy place. Let Tarsands get into everything. Air you breathe. Water you drink. Ogallala Aquifer. Those big words, huh? Gulf of Mexico. En-vi-ron-ment-al-ly sen-si-tive areas. More big words. Even bigger pain in ass. Tarsands heap grateful. So grateful, even talk like Tonto sometimes.

You listen now. Tarsands do big yodel. AAAA-aaa-AAAAAA-aaaa-AAAAAAA!! You hear long way. Tarsands big yodel tear shit out of atmosphere, oceans, and jungles. But you no say "jungle" anymore cause it sound bad. So you say "forest." Make no never mind to Tarsands. Tarsands on way. Want hear yodel again?