Man-Eating Dolphin

Not sure how I managed to fall off the boat. In retrospect, understanding that alone might help explain what followed. In any case, it was just as I came spluttering to the surface that this Dolphin approached, offering to guide me to land.

"Well," stammered I to the Dolphin, "that is certainly most neighborly of you, and ..."

"Hold on there just one minute!" another voice cut in. "Don't trust that Dolphin! I'm your fish! Been swimming these waters for years. The Dolphin's wet behind the ears. You just stick with me!"

It was a Shark.

"Um, you're a Shark," I said, rather unnecessarily.

"Right you are!" agreed the Shark. "At your service."

"You're a Shark," I mumbled again. Something significant, just over my thought horizon, was struggling to get my attention.

"Watch out for the Dolphin!" shouted the Shark preemptively. "He's a man eater! Look! He's takin' a bead on your toes!"

"Gosh, really?" I replied. "I had no idea. And here, I was about to just traipse trustingly off with him."

"Actually," said the Dolphin, "it's Sharks that are renowned for ..."

I felt a sharp pain. The Shark was chewing on my left arm.

" ... eating people," finished the Dolphin.

"Hey, that's my arm!" I objected.

"Watch out," burped the Shark, "for the Dolphin! He's makin' a bee-line for your legs!"

"Is he?" I gasped, taking evasive leg action against the eventuality.

The Shark having, disposed of my left arm, had started in on the right.

"Now, just one cotton-pickin' minute!" I huffed. "I'm running out of limbs here! And who are all those dorsal-finned, pointy-nosed, toothy guys that are circling me?"

"Just some other sober, public-spirited associates of mine," managed the Shark between bites, "who, like me, are here to serve you and protect you from that dangerous Dolphin."

"They're nibbling on me," I protested.

"Oh, did I tell you?" The Shark gave a rather painful-sounding burp as he apparently fought down a bit of acid reflux. "The Dolphin is in cahoots with a school of barracuda. Notorious meat-eaters, those."

"No, really?" I asked, eying the Dolphin suspiciously.

"Well known fact," mumbled the Shark, in mid chew.

Bit of a blur after that, but I can't thank that Shark enough for his principled, disinterested intervention.