Magic Lamp

So, when I rubbed it, out popped this genie, and all up for wish-granting, too. I had to share this!

I've never been one for playing it close to my vest or keeping it under my hat or any of those other clothing-related figures of speech. That may be because we just wear your basic burnoose. In any case, I went whooping off to tell my friends.

"Hey, guys!" I cried. "Look what I found!"

"Wow!" said my friend Muhammad with commendable enthusiasm. "That looks like a real magic lamp with a working genie. Does it grant wishes?"

"I should think so!" I replied. "It keeps offering, but I haven't actually tried a wish yet. I was too excited! How about this? I'll let everyone have a wish, and we'll see how it works out together!"

An eager chatter ensued. It was a semi-coherent rumble of the usual wealth, power, long life, and sex.

"Wait, wait, wait!" That was Aladdin, striding to the fore. "Are you telling me that you're going to accept wishes from a strange genie?"

"Um, yes?" I ventured. "Only kind of genie I know."

"You don't know where that lamp's been!" scolded Aladdin. "It might not be genuine. It might be infected with plague. The genie might be evil. It might give you the opposite of what you wish for. Or it might be a trickster that grants the letter of your wish, but screws you on the fine print."

"Gee, I never thought about any of that," I admitted. The others were murmuring doubts to the same effect.

"Oh, hi there, Aladdin," said the genie.

"You know this genie?" I asked incredulously.

"Know me?" piped the genie. "I was his for four years! We had some great times, huh, Lad? I granted him some big wishes, I can tell you."

"Is this true, Lad?" I asked.

"Well, um, yes, it is," Aladdin mumbled. "In a way."

"What way was that?" I pursued.

"The way that it actually happened," he replied.

"So how did the lamp get to be in the rubbish tip, where I found it?" I inquired.

"He lost the lamp," said the genie helpfully.

"Misplaced it," mumbled Aladdin.

"But then, you know this is a good magic lamp with a good genie," I said.

"I make no apologies for my magic lamp years!" declaimed Aladdin. "Or for any of my wishes! But magic lamps are not a one-size-fits-all item! What worked for me won't work for you!"

"Why not?" the rest of us asked in unison.

"We are different people!" Aladdin replied. "We come from different places, have different needs, think differently, wish differently. The lamp was good for me, but it's bad now!"

"What is bad about it now?" I persisted.

Aladdin scowled. "It's yours," he said. "Isn't that obvious?"