Lunch Money

Johnny walked to school every day, and every day, Zeke jumped him, beat the crap out of him, and stole his lunch money. Then Zeke would walk off, laughing and counting his money. This went on for years.

There were very few variations on this theme. What variations there were came from Johnny's vain attempts to avoid Zeke by taking alternate routes or varying his time of departure. None of that worked, however. Zeke nailed him every time.

One day, a new boy named Bart observed the ritual beating and offered Johnny a way out.

"Look," said Bart, "you walk with me, and I'll protect you."

"We-e-ell," Johnny temporized, "I don't kno-o-ow. I'm used to all the abuse. It's, y'know, comfortable."

"How about if I get you back the lunch money that jerk stole? " asked Bart, sweetening the pot.

Johnny was sold.

A couple of weeks passed, and the beatings and robberies did, indeed, stop. On the matter of recouping the lost lunch money, however, the level of success was lower.

"Zeke!" Bart would say, "Give Johnny back his money!"

"No!" Zeke would reply.

And that would be that until the next time.

"Say," said Johnny one day, "you said you would get my money back."

"Sorry about that,"said Bart ruefully. "It's turning out to be harder than I thought."

"And my eyes are still black," said Johnny. "And I'm sore."

"That's from all those beatings Zeke gave you," said Bart. "It will take some time for you to heal."

"But I thought you were going to fix all that," whined Johnny.

"I can't go back in time and stop what's already happened from happening," explained Bart. "But I have stopped the beatings and the robbery. You've got to admit that."

"Psst! Kid! What about the lunch money?" That was Zeke. "You need to dump this bozo! He lied to you! You stick with me. I'll protect you."

"That's true," said Johnny. "You haven't gotten my lunch money back. And I'm still sore! Get lost! I'm going back to Zeke!"

"If you do that," said Bart, "he'll just beat the crap out of you and steal your lunch money every day. Again. You've been there."

"True," said Johnny, "but I'm really disappointed in you, and I don't have any choice."