A worm I was born, and a worm I remain.  My Ma-pa always said, "Luigi, be proud of who you are," and I took that advice to heart.  I remember she-he even said it as the bird was carrying her-him off.  So, no matter how rich and powerful I later became, I never forgot where I came from.
    My Ma-pas named me Luigi.  They thought it was a dignified name for an earthworm, and Ma-pa 1, the one who had the unfortunate encounter with the bird, never called me anything else.  Ma-pa 2 was the one who started calling me "Ui" for short.  You got a problem with that?  Ok.  I didn't think so.  Anyway, "Ui" is what I'm used to now.  Ma-pa 2 was also the one who used to say, "Ui, you can be somebody!  Or something, at any rate."  I took that to heart, too.
    As I grew up, I discovered that I had one outstanding quality that separated me from all the other earthworms:  voracity.  I could eat more and faster than any other three earthworms I knew.  Before long, I discovered that I could also eat any other three earthworms I knew.  And did.  I out-consumed all the other earthworms.  I grew enormously.  I became the biggest earthworm anyone had ever seen.  Then I began to compete with other species for food.  To beat them all out, I had to be the fastest, the meanest, and the hungriest.  And I was.
    Then something unexpected happened.  It had to do with those two-legged things.  "People," they're called.  They don't play fair.  They started whining that I was sucking up all the resources and not leaving any for them.  They said I was a "humongous worm," and that homongous worms were unfair.  They had something called a "Congress" that passed an Anti-Humongous Worm Law - against me.  It said I wasn't allowed to be so big.  I objected.  I went to court.  "Mr. Gui," said the judge ... Yeah, Gui is my name.  Ui Gui.  You got a problem with that?  They named the Graphical User Interface after me.  Anyway, "Mr. Gui," he said, "is it true that you ruthlessly root out all competition in order to feed your enormous gut?"  And I said, "So?  What's it to ya?"  The judge said I was arrogant.  Then he ruled against me.  And guess what?  They chopped me into little pieces and spread me all over the country.  Then they made a Humongous Worm Commission to make sure there would never be another earthworm like me.
    So, the next time ...  Oh, I hope you knew that you don't kill earthworms by chopping them up.*  The pieces just hang around and keep growing.  And they have a long memory.  Anyway, the next time, I knew what my mistakes had been and how to rectify them.  It was a simple matter of buying all the judges and lawmakers.  So, when my last two reassembled segments, each as formidable as my own original self, merged once more, I didn't hear a word about arrogance or ruthlessness or enormous guts.  Yeah, there were still some whiny complainers.  Some of them even remembered that I was the same humongous worm they carved up before.  But the Humongous Worm Commission said, "What?  We don't see any illegal humongous worms.  This resegmentation is just what we need to promote a salutary worm climate.  Sis-boom-bah!"
    I'm back.  Life is good.

*Yeah, yeah.  Bogus folk vermicology.