Little Pigs

Little Pigs
With apologies to real pigs, who are smarter than this.

Once upon a time, there were three Little Pigs and one Big Bad Gluttonous Wolf. The three Little Pigs knew about the Big Bad Wolf, so they decided to build themselves some shelter post haste.

The first Little Pig built himself a house of straw, and just as he was putting on the finishing touches, up came the Big Bad Wolf. You may already be familiar with the ensuing dialogue ... "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in" and "Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin" style of thing. So we'll cut right to the huffing and puffing. because this is an area of misunderstanding among most fairy tale readers.

Wolves, even the Big Bad variety, don't actually have powerful enough lungs to physically blow down a house-sizeed structure. The Big Bad Wolf rounded up all the other Pigs (of various sizes, Big, Little, and In Between) in the neighborhood and huffed and puffed at them, as follows:

"That Little Pig in there isn't one of us," he huffed. "He slipped into this fairy tale illegally, and he stole your straw to build a house on your land! And he might be a rapist. Get 'im! Deport 'im!"

The other Pigs were appalled and terrified. So they tore down the first Little Pig's straw house and deported him to the Big Bad Wolf, who gulped him down without even bothering to chew.

But Big Bad Wolf was still hungry ...

The second Little Pig, having seen the fate of the first, determined to build his house of stronger stuff. He built his house of wood. The other Pigs wouldn't be able to tear that down, he was sure. Just as he hammered in the last nail, sure enough, here came the Big Bad Wolf. They went through the required preliminary dialogue and got on to the huffing and puffing. Again the Big Bad Wolf rounded up all the Pigs and harangued them.

"That Little Pig isn't a good Christian like us," puffed the Big Bad Wolf. "He's a terrorist who wants to destroy our way of life. Get 'im! Put 'im in a concentration camp!"

So the othe Pigs burned the second Little Pig's house down and delivered him up to the Big Bad Wolf for concentration camping. And the Big Bad Wolf devoured him without even any ketchup.

But the Big Bad Wolf was still hungry ...

The third Little Pig, having witnessed the bonfire and its consequences, decided to build a brick house that would be resistant to fire. No sooner had he finished, then ... yep ... here came the Big Bad Wolf.

"Do your worst," taunted the third Little Pig. "Nobody's burning this baby down."

"Maybe not," smirked the Big Bad Wolf, " but you have to come out sometime." And he summoned his flock of Pigs.

"That Little Pig's a trannie!" roared the Big Bad Wolf. "He ... or whatever ... will prey on your piglets in the restrooms!"

So when the third Little Pig went to market, as Little Pigs in fairy tales have to do, the other Pigs wouldn't let him use their restrooms, and the Big Bad Wolf bagged him when he made a desperate break for his brick house.

But the Big Bad Wolf was still hungry ...