Life in the Big Apple

So the worms figured that life in the Big Apple would work better if they cooperated a little. Nothing too radical, but not biting each others' tails or muscling the other guy away from the pulp at the minimum. There were problems from the start.

Right away, the worms noticed that certain of their number seemed to be a little larger and a little more aggressive, and those larger, more aggressive worms tended to eat more than their fair share of the Big Apple. The worms dubbed these bullying types "the Fat Worms" and found that, by sticking together, they could make them behave almost decently. For their part, the Fat Worms retorted, "Oh, yeah? Better fat than thin!" And they began referring derisively to the leaders who kept them honest as "the Thin Worms."

For some time, the Thin Worms had the best of the argument, and the Fat Worms contented themselves with accusing the Thin Worms of being "chomp and chew apple-wasters" and claiming the high ground of Pulp Conservatism. Then one of them had a great idea.

"Look out!" screamed the clever Fat Worm, as well as a worm can scream. "Evil Foreign Worms are coming to kill you and steal the Big Apple!"

"Where-where-where?" stammered the frightened worms. "Omigod, omigod, omigod! What shall we do?"

"Why, leave everything to us," said the Fat Worms smoothly. "The Thin Worms can't protect you. Only we can."

"Anything you say, anything you say, anything you say!" cried the worms, including not a few Thin Worms.

And so began the feeding frenzy. Whenever anyworm objected, the Fat Worms would cry, "Here come the Evil Foreign Worms!" or "You must want the Evil Foreign Worms to win!" However, as the core of the Big Apple became visible, and the Evil Foreign Worms did not, the worms began to catch on and returned the Thin Worms to power, although many of them had begun to look rather hefty in their own right.

Some of the more intelligent worms, and the standard of worm intelligence is not high, noted that serious changes in eating habits would be necessary to save the Big Apple. Pulp was vanishing. The Peel had been breached in places. Rot was setting in. And the fattest of the Fat Worms were chewing on the Stem! This had to stop, said the sort-of intelligent worms, and new sources of food had to be found.

Fortunately, the Thin Worm leadership was amenable to taking the steps needed to save the Big Apple. And the Fat Worms were as cooperative as always.

"No," they said. "Not only no, but hell no! This is the most wasteful proposal in the history of the Big Apple. Just what you would expect of chomp and chew apple-wasters! Not good Pulp Conservatives like us. Heck, look at how conservative of pulp we were when we were in charge!"

Fortunately, the Thin Worms were in the majority, right? Oh, but remember those porky, not so Thin Worms? They had been acquiring the gorging habit, too, not to mention a yen for Apple Stem.

This is where the democratic process came in. The Thin Worms and the Fat Worms reached a compromise. On the one hand, it was agreed that steps must be taken to conserve the remaining pulp and develop new food sources, and that they would get around to it by and by. On the other, it was agreed that all the Fat Worms, including the neo-Fat Thin Worms, could go on doing exactly what they had been doing.

But who cares? It was just one apple and a bunch of worms, right?