Law of the Jungle

There was a long-standing rule out in East Africa. It was about how many wildebeest you could eat in one season, and the crocodiles didn't like it. Every time the crown passed to a new king, the crocs complained, and every king turned them down. Then one reign, a more sympathetic king came to power ...

"A crocodile to see you, Your Majesty," said the Royal Chamberlain. "Whole pack of 'em, actually."

"Well, what do they want?" roared the King who was, of course, a lion.

"Beats me," said the Royal Chamberlain, sauntering off. Lions aren't great on protocol, or even manners, for that matter.

"We want the Wildebeest Law revoked," said the head croc.

"Oh, really?" said the King. "Why is that?"

By this time the Queen had sauntered up and taken an interest. Sauntering is the preferred leonine means of locomotion.

"It's a damn restraint of feeding," groused the croc. "And it's a violation of the Law of the Jungle. The Law of the Jungle is what makes this a great ... jungle. The fit survive, and the unfit don't. The strong prevail over the weak. That's the Law of the Jungle. None of that namby-pamby protecting the weak crap!"

"That law," interjected the Queen, "was enacted for the greater good. The crocodiles are too gluttonous for their own good. If they aren't restrained, they'll eat too much and destroy the balance of nature."

"Never heard so many cliches taped together in a single sentence," carped the croc. "The Wildebeest Law is a violation of the sacred Law of the Jungle. It's very simple."

The King thought it over for a minute before giving his ruling. "Very well," he said. "You crocs are right. I hereby revoke the Wildebeest Law. Eat hearty!"

So the crocs regaled themselves on wildebeest. The orgy lasted for days. To the lions, it sounded something like this: "Splash! Moo! Splash-splash! Moooo-oooo! Splash-splash-splash-splash-splash! Moo-eee! Moo-aiiiii! Burp ... Help me!!! Help me!!!"

"Oh, those crocs," laughed the King. "Such feeders! Say, ... what was that last bit there?"

"Don't know," shrugged the Queen. "Maybe we'd better take a look."

The lions found the crocodiles thrashing about ineffectually in the river. A couple had managed to drag themselves up on shore, but most of them were having a great deal of difficulty staying above water.

"Looks like they're ... drowning," said the Queen.

"Drowning?" scoffed the King. "Crocodiles?"

"Well, they do have to breathe once in a while," noted the Queen, "and it appears that they have stuffed themselves so full of wildebeest that they can't swim and can't float."

"Ridiculous!" cried the King.

"Yes, aren't they?" agreed the Queen.

"You've got to help us!" pleaded the crocodiles. "We can't tread water much longer!"

"Ok, sure," agreed the King.

"Wait just one minute!" objected the Queen. "What about the Law of the Jungle? No bailing out the weak. Remember that?"

"Oh, this doesn't come under Law of the Jungle," explained one spluttering croc. "When we're in trouble, it's more like a Guideline of the Jungle. You have to save us because the balance of nature depends on us."

"I've got to bail them out," said the King. "It's honor among predators."

"What about the wildebeest?" growled the Queen. "You weren't so magnanimous toward them!"

"The wildebeest?" the King responded. "Why, that's an excellent idea, my dear! I'll just hitch up some wildebeest and have them pull the crocs out of the river."

"And nothing about any of this - declaring open season on wildebeest and then making them haul their persecutors out of the soup - strikes you as in any way unjust?" asked the Queen.

"'Course not," replied the King. "It's the Law of the Jungle."