Knowing the Drill

Everyone knows that drilling floats the fleet. Everyone except Mutineers, that is. And no one wanted to be a Mutineer. So when the Captain and Crew aggressively perforated the Ship's hull, there was very little opposition. Some of the bailers, maybe, grumbled a little.

As sawdust flew and the hull began to ride a little lower, a tugboat pulled alongside, offering assistance.

"Ahoy, there!" called the tug Captain. "May I be of assistance?"

"Push off!" bellowed the Ship's Captain.

"It's just that you appear to be in distress," replied the tug Captain. "I can get you safely to shore."

"Beat it!" roared the Ship's Captain again. "We don't need no help from no Pirate, hear?"

"Have it your way," shrugged the tug Captain. But he stayed close, nevertheless.

Since it was well known that drilling holes in hulls was essential to correct sailing, almost all the Crew and Passengers were amenable to a certain heightened wetness. The actual sinking, however, became difficult to ignore. As treading water went from optional to mandatory, there was a certain level unease among the enshipped. It should be no surprise, therefore, that when the tug Captain tossed a rope to the sinking Ship, the majority of the Passengers eagerly grabbed it and, above the threats and protests of the Crew, allowed themselves to be towed to shore.

"You know," said the tug Captain, "if we work together, we could fix this Ship up as good as new."

"NO!" screamed the Crew.

"Great," said the Passengers. "We want this guy for Captain."

"NO!" screamed the Crew.

"When I say 'we,'" said the erstwhile tug. and now Ship's, Captain, "I mean all of us, old Crew, too. I've got my own guys, of course, but we can all cooperate. What do you say?"

"NO!" screamed the Crew.

After a couple of years, the Ship repairs were spotty at best.

"He hasn't fixed the Ship," said the Crew. "He promised he was going to."

"That's true," said the Passengers. "How come you haven't fixed the Ship?"

"Well, in the first place," said the new Captain, "it was going to be us that fixed the Ship. Together. And we have repaired a couple of the bigger gashes. It would help if the old Crew would stop stealing the repair materials and throwing their bodies across the holes."

"You should have worked with them," said the Passengers critically.

"I tried," said the Captain. "I keep trying. But watch this: Hey, does anyone have any ideas for repairing this hull?"

"NO!" screamed the Crew.

"Let's have a meeting and discuss repairs," said the Captain.

"NO!" screamed the Crew.

"You haven't fixed the Ship," repeated the Passengers. "We are very angry and disappointed. We want the old Crew back."

"Aren't they the ones that almost sank the Ship the last time?" asked one foolhardy Passenger.

"Maybe," said the other Passengers, "but he hasn't fixed it. Anyway, everyone knows that you have to drill holes in the hull to make the Ship float."

"But isn't that what got us in trouble the last time?" the foolhardy Passenger blundered on.

"Ah," said the Crew, "but that wasn't us. Exactly. And the people who weren't us (exactly) didn't drill right (exactly). But now, the new us will drill harder and better than ever, and that will make everything wonderful."

"Gosh, that's great!" swooned the Passengers. "We can't wait to get back on board."