Just a Theory

"Nobody touch it, all right? That's the same stuff that wiped out Mound Zed-132 last month."

"That's just your little theory," scoffed Rikki smugly.

"It's not just a theory," I snapped, more hotly than I had intended. "And certainly not just mine. All of our best scientists have been investigating this. Those great, big two-legged bastards keep shoveling it all over the place. It's poison!"

"You have to take economic impact into consideration," drawled Rikki. "We have to keep the workers working, and food is scarce."

"It's not food!" I replied, trying to keep my temper. "It's poison!"

"You wouldn't want to put the workers out of work?" smarmed Rikki, as if I hadn't said a thing. Pause. "Even assuming there's any substance to your theory."

"Of course, there's substance ...," I sputtered. "You do realize that the poison will kill you, too, don't you?"

"You know," said Rikki maddeninly, "an increasing number of scientists are beginning to question the poison theory."

"No," I replied. "They're not, actually. Maybe a couple that you bought off with a fat caterpillar, but that's all. What's with you, anyway? Are you running for Queen?"

"Oh, of course, not," said Rikki, waving the suggestion off with her feelers. "I don't want to be Queen. I think it is an interesting idea to break off and start another mound. Hypothetically. And the incumbent Queen is too radical for the hard-working, maintunnel ant ... Aw, heck! You convinced me. I am running for Queen. I accept your draft!"

"Sheesh!" I groaned. "That sure wasn't my intention." Rikki had such an exasperating air about her, but for the good of the mound, I had to overcome my personal feelings.

"Look," I continued. "I can prove this. We have done extensive testing and gathered piles of data. I can show you the toxicology report on a sample of this ... stuff. It is unambiguous. I ... we ... have overwhelming concrete evidence. This is not a theory. It is objective reality."

Rikki cocked a feeler at me. "I reject your objective reality, and substitute my delusions," she said.

Just thought I ought to explain why the old mound is dead.