It's Not My Fault

Good evening, and welcome to another episode of 'It's Not My Fault,' the realistic reality show. Tonight's guest is Dr. Victor Frankenstein, scientist, writer, reanimation researcher, and creator of the famous Frankenstein Monster. Good evening, Dr. Frankenstein.

"Good evening, Bubba. It's not my fault."

Ah, good to see you getting into the spirit of the game so early, Doctor. What the good doctor is talking about is his monster's homicidal excesses over the past ... how long has it been, Doctor?"

"Pretty much right from the moment it opened its eyes and said its first three words."

What were those words, Doctor?

"Kill! Kill! Kill! I think we can assume the exclamation points."

And what did you think of that?

"I figured it was just making sounds without understanding the meaning. Either that, or joking."

When did you figure out that it knew what it was saying and wasn't joking?

"Probably when it murdered Igor, my lab assistant."

And what did you do then, Dr. Frankenstein?

"Hightailed it the hell out of there. That's one whacking big monster, let me tell you, and it had only made good on one of the three 'kills.'"

Did you warn anyone that a butt-ugly, seven-foot killing machine was running loose?

"Heck, no. Not my responsibility."

There are those who would tend to disagree with you, Dr. Frankenstein. After all, you were the monster's creator.

"Hey, you're not hanging this on me, Bubba. I must admit, I underestimated its depravity, but responsibility lies at the center, with the monster itself. I'm not the one who made the bad decisions and perpetrated the violent acts."

Then, you admit that making this monster was a bad idea?

"Heck, no! The idea was perfectly sound. It was the monster that screwed things up. It was only supposed to do what I told it, and it wasn't supposed to get caught. I would do it again - not change a thing. It was just my bad luck to pluck a rotten monster out of the barrel. It's not my fault!"

Thank you very much, Dr. Frankenstein. Fans, please tune in next week, when our guests will be the neoconservative pundits who brought us the Axis of Evil, the Iraq War, the gutting of the US Constitution, and ... but wait! It's not their fault!