Invasive Species

The Forest Council agreed that invasive species were a threat to the Forest. Obviously, they had to go. And torching their fuzzy/leafy butts was the way to go.

So it was that legions of loyal native forest folk marched forth, gasoline cans in paw, matches in mouth, to do the right thing. Now, the invasive species turned out to be a bit more stubborn than anticipated, but such is war. Adjustments were made. Kerosene instead of gasoline. Kerosene in addition to gasoline. Different brands of gasoline. Higher and lower octanes. Different methods of ignition.

So the war was taking a little longer than planned, and supplemental gasoline appropriations were, from time to time, required. Just before the Council voted on one such supplemental appropriation, a scorched and smoking squirrel staggered into the Council Circle.

"Listen!" squeaked the squirrel. "It isn't working! It's a disaster!"

"But we have the invasive species on the run," offered a skunk

"Um, not exactly," said the squirrel. "Actually, we haven't even made a dent in them. At the same time, we're burning up more of our own guys than theirs! One other thing, and listen, cause this is really important: There's a whopping big conflagration headed this way!"

The Chair of the Forest Council, who was an owl, ruffled his feathers, swooped down on the hapless squirrel, and ripped him apart.

"Bit harsh, don't you think?" asked a fox. "That was useful information he was sharing."

"Not to me, it wasn't!" huffed the owl. "Nothin' new to me there."

"Really?" asked the fox, cocking an eyebrow. "How come the rest of us didn't know?"

"Because that kind of stuff isn't intended for the hoi polloi," replied the owl. "It only makes them nervous and me look bad."

"Why take it out on the squirrel?" asked the skunk.

"Always a good thing to remind everyone how the predator-prey relationship works," explained the owl.

"But how about that great big forest fire that's on the way?" asked the fox nervously.

"Screw the forest fire!" hooted the owl. "I need gasoline money from you guys right now!"