copyright © 2005
by Robert L. Blau
The Founding Fathers are meeting
in Philadelphia ...
Jefferson: James, I have a bone to pick with you. I think
we all do, in fact.
Madison: Oh, yes? What seems to be the problem, Tom?
Jefferson: It's this document of yours, this so-called
"Constitution." We don't like it.
Madison: What, specifically, is it that you don't like? It
isn't the preamble, is it? I could change that. It's just a
lot of puffery, anyway.
Franklin: No, James, that isn't the problem. It's the whole
document, you see. We all agreed on what we wanted way back at
the beginning of the Revolution. Remember?
Madison: A military theocracy serving the moneyed
interests. Of course. So?
Washington: Well, the Constitution should state right up front
that the United States of America is a Christian nation. Ten
Commandments posted in every schoolhouse. Where's that verbiage?
Madison: Ah, I see. I thought you all understood
this. I'm afraid it's a little too early to try to sell
that. The memory of King George stuffing the Church of England
down everybody's throat is still a bit raw.
Washington: Hmm. Maybe. But what's all this
"separation of powers" crap? You know that, if we intend to rule
the world, we have to concentrate power in the hands of the
executive. (Ahem.) See, I like the "Commander-in-Chief"
bit, but what's all that nonsense about Congress having sole power to
declare war? If you leave it up to them, they'll just dawdle and
dilly-dally, and we'll never get to invade anyone.
Madison: Well, once again, we would have a very hard sell
there. The People just got through spilling their blood to kick
out King George the tyrant. They aren't going to be too happy
about fighting on behalf of someone they would very likely perceive as
a new tyrant. And there
is the name issue ...
Washington: Ahem. Yes, that is unfortunate. I so wanted to be King, but "King
George" just wouldn't go over too well at the moment.
John Adams: What I
particularly loathe is this notion of an independent judiciary.
You know, if you tell the judges that they're independent, pretty soon,
they're going to start taking you seriously.
We can't have that!
Madison (nervously): Uh,
there is something I haven't told you yet.
The others glare expectantly at him.
Madison: The People are demanding a Bill of Rights. Freedom
of speech, religion, assembly. That sort of thing. I
thought we could skate by without that,
but apparently, I was wrong.
All: What?!
Jefferson: Do you mean to say, that they can call us names, and
we can't toss them in prison? That's outrageous! And I want
to be able to tell people, "I am the government!"
Madison: Patience, Tom. I'm just bringing this up to show
what we're up against.
Monroe: But what are we to do?
If we put this Constitution thing out there - with a Bill of Rights, no
less - people are going to think it represents the way we think
government should be!
Madison: I'm sorry, guys, but we have to be patient.
Remember, the Constitution is just a piece of paper. In around
200 years, our true heirs will figure out what our intentions really
were.