Infernal Warming

It's as hot as ... Well, it's as hot as here. And some of my friends don't think that's natural. Now, I'm not a believer in that "climate change" stuff, but I have to admit it is awfully hot. So I let myself get talked into writing a letter to my Senator. I figure he could clear this up once and for all, if anybody could.

So here's my letter:

"Dear Senator Kornhofe,

As your constituent, I strongly urge you to take decisive action to alleviate the extreme heat we have been experiencing in this Circle. My friends tell me it's Infernal Warming, and I don't know about that, but you can't deny that it's bloody hot.

I look forward to your response.

Sincerely, etc., etc., and so forth"

And Senator Kornhofe did respond. I include his response in its entirety:

"On your putrid belly, you maggot! I don't know where you damned people get the idea that we work for you. We demons derive out power and authority directly from the Prince of Darkness. He's the one who gave me dominion over this Circle of Hell, and he's the only one I answer to. And I'm going to remember you at the next punishment event. However, I'm in an unusually expansive frame of mind, so I'm going to answer your pitiful yelp. There is no such thing as Infernal Warming! It's all in your head! So shut your purulent gob!

But I'm not done yet. As for you pissant mortals who insist on comparing us demons to your human politicians, I have spoken to my lawyer, and you can just get ready for a whopping big slander suit. Or is that libel? Never mind! It's coming your way!

Yours in damnation,

Kornhofe the Destroyer"

So consider this my heartfelt apology to all demons for my invidious comparisons. But you've got to understand, fellas, it's damn near impossible to come up with a metaphor that adequately reflects how evil those people are!