How to Keep a Scorpion from Stinging

"Unconscionable!" fumed Rey. "They must be stopped!"

"Just what I've been saying," I agreed. "So what did you have in mind?"

"You must sign this strongly-worded petition," sniffed Rey righteously, "demanding that they stop it! And make the phone call! Phone calls are more effective than emails or signatures on petitions."

"What? Tell a scorpion not to sting? It's a waste of breath. Or ink or digital bits or whatever."

Rey's face got even redder than usual. "If we don't demand that they stop stinging us while we're carrying them across the river, they never will!"

"They never will anyway," I replied. "They're scorpions. Stinging is what they do. What we need to do is stop letting them hitch rides. Let 'em cross their own damn rivers on their own. If they can."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" That was Kit nervously joining the conversation. "We can't do that."

"Why not?" I asked.

"What about the alligators?" Kit replied. "We need the scorpions to protects us from the alligators!"

"Horsefeathers!" I spat.

"There are alligators in the river," added Rey in his most reasonable tone of voice.

"I repeat, horsefeathers," I repeated. "There are some alligators, but none that a scorpion could defend us against, or would."

"Oh, no," insisted Kit. "We need scorpions to protect us! We know that because they keep telling us so, and they wouldn't lie about something like that, would they? Because they only lie about everything else."

I permitted myself a small sigh. "We'd be better off just exercising a little care and taking our chances. Or going downstream a little and using the bridge. Whereas the scorpions invariably sting us, and we almost invariably drown."

"I don't like them either," Rey equivocated, "but they're ... traditional. No, the way forward is to demand our rights! Tell 'em we're not going to stand for it any longer!"

Ok, bigger sigh. "Tell, demand, beg, pound our paws, play 'Yankee Doodle Dandy' on a kazoo. None of it will make any difference. They're bloody scorpions! You don't tell them not to sting you. You don't let them sting you."

Or elect them.