copyright © 2003 by Robert L. Blau

    The bears were complaining to each other about the difficulty of obtaining honey.
    "It isn't fair that they make honey so hard to get," said Papa.
    "Yeah, keeping it in those high inconvenient places and guarding it with stingers," said Teddy.
    "By rights, it's our honey, anyway, because we like it so much," said Winnie.
    "Well, I have an idea," said Yogi, who had above average intelligence for a bear. "Let's tell everyone the bees are incompetent and insist that someone else make honey."
    So the bears complained about the bees to anyone who would listen.  And a great many who wouldn't.  They called a lot of press conferences and started a lot of rumors and wrote a lot of letters to the Creatures Council.
    "The bees are lazy and incompetent," said Papa. "They use our tax dollars to produce insufficient and inferior honey.  They have too many workers and too many of those things called 'drones.'  What's a drone, anyway?"
    "And they're undemocratic," added Teddy. "They have a queen."
    "All they do is buzz around all day," said Winnie.
    "Gosh, we didn't realize that the bees were so wasteful and lazy," said the creatures.
    "But since you say so so often and so loudly, it must be true," said the news media. "So we'll repeat it just as often and just as loudly."
    "What shall we do about the Honey Crisis?" asked the Creatures Council.
    "Well, the first thing," said the bears, "is to cut out the fat!  Stop giving them so much support and make them lay off all the excess workers and drones."
    So the Creatures Council cut funding for the bees.  Honey production dropped dramatically, and creatures of every different stripe complained.
    "What's going on with the honey?" they complained. "We can hardly find any these days, and what we do find isn't as good as it used to be."
    "Ah, ha!" said the bears. "Didn't we tell you they were lazy and inefficient and incompetent?"
    "That's true," said the Creatures Council. "You established that by saying it loudly and often.  And we affirmed it by slashing their budget and making them tighten their belts."
    "Wait a minute!" buzzed the bees. "We can't make as much honey because you made us fire all those workers.  What did you think would happen?"
    "That's a typical, self-serving excuse," said the bears. "Just what you would expect from a bunch that has already been proven to be lazy, inefficient, and incompetent."
    "So what's our next move?" asked the Creatures Council.
    "Glad you asked!" said Papa. "We have to find someone who is industrious, efficient, and competent to make the honey."
    "And who would that be?" asked the Creatures Council.
    "The bears are well known for being everything the bees are not," said Papa. "Just contract the honey-making out to us, and we'll take care of everything.  Honey will be cheap, plentiful, and delicious."
    "And best of all, we will get all the tax money and all the honey we can eat!" said Teddy.

    So the bears got the honey contract.
    "Now what do we do?" asked Papa. "I haven't got the foggiest idea how to make honey.  I just eat the stuff!"
    "No problem," said Yogi, the idea bear. "We just find someone who does know how to make honey.  First, we find a really cheap work force.  I suggest somewhere 'off shore.'  Then we hire a couple of out-of-work bees to show them how it's done."
    Teddy soon found the ideal work force.
    "They're African dung beetles," he said, "and they'll work for ... Well, I think you get it!"
    Before long, the honey was flowing again, after a fashion, and the bears were summoned by the Creatures Council.
    "About the honey ... ," began the Creatures Council.
    "There's no need to thank us," said Papa. "It was our duty as patriotic citizens and industrious, efficient, productive creatures."
    "Well, um, yeah," said the Creatures Council. "But there are just a couple of small points ...  Nothing major, you understand, compared to our former Honey Crisis, but ..."
    "Yes?" asked Papa innocently.
    "We were just wondering if you had any suggestions for the thousands and thousands of out-of-work bees who are disfiguring our flower beds with signs such as 'Wings clipped.  Please help.' and harassing passers-by with requests for pollen."
    "We told you they were lazy and shiftless," said Papa. "But did anyone listen?  Anyway, there's a simple solution.  Build more prisons."
    "But there was one more thing," said the Creatures Council.
    "Oh?" asked Papa.
    "Yes.  The honey tastes ... funny.  Would you know what that odd flavor is?"