Hearsay

My fellow citizens, as your elected representative, I have called this meeting to put your minds at rest about all that malicious gossip you've been hearing. I am speaking, of course, of the irresponsible rumors of impending doom. It's nothing but hearsay. Hearsay, I say! I'm here to answer any questions you have. And I hope y'all have chained up your dogs, so they don't go pooping on your neighbors' lawns, ok?

"What's that great big black cloud over the mountain?"

Perfectly normal little volcanic plume ma'am. They occur all the time, all over the world. If that were an active volcano, we would be seeing a lot more than that. Nothing to worry about.

"Well, I think it's time to pack up and skedaddle, while the skedaddlin's good!"

Now, that is just what we don't want to do, sir. That would be very expensive and very disruptive.

"But compared to being boiled alive in lava ..."

Now, now. That's just hearsay, bandied about by people who hate the gods and hate the empire and resent honest rich people.

"Wasn't your election financed by the PCC, which owns the whole city and controls all its business?"

Well, of course, they contributed, but that's because I was such a great candidate and because they are all upstanding citizens who want the best for our great city. None of my opinions or decisions are influenced in the least by the Pompeii Chamber of Commerce.

"What about that wall-rattling BOOM we just heard? That can't be good."

Hearsay, ma'am, hearsay! Or hearboom. You know, as a vulcanologist myself, I have a theory that the world is actually going into a period of low volcanic activity. Has Rome had a volcanic eruption in our lifetimes? How about Florence? Venice? See? There are lots of places where no volcanoes are erupting. In fact, there are more places without volcanic eruptions than there are with volcanic eruptions. QED.

"And what's that glowing liquid that's pouring through the walls?"

What are you going to believe, sir? Me, or your lyin' eyes?