The Great, Big Gang Suck

Today, I am interviewing Mr. Vlad Drakul of the Chamber of Vampires on the subject of the massive global outbreak of vampirism, which has become known as "the Great, Big Gang Suck." Mr. Drakul?

Count: Please, please. Just call me "Count."

Me: Well, then, Count, what about this Great, Big Gang Suck phenomenon?

Count: We don't call it that. Please. It's "the Unfortunate Incident."

Me: "Unfortunate Incident," eh? But this is an on-going, world-wide blood bath. We are talking about the same thing, are we not?

Count: A couple of the boys got a little ... overzealous. But you must not forget what a boon vampirism is to humankind. It's good for the blood, you know. Keeps the supply within manageable parameters. And we carry your entertainment industry. Almost single-fangedly.

Me: Yes, can't deny that. But I understand that you have a rather ... different opinion of the ... "Unfortunate Incident." Different, that is, from your co- ... um, things. Even calling it "the Unfortunate Incident," for example. Did you want to apologize for your ... associates?

Count: Apologize? Ha, ha. No. We never apologize for anything. I'm just saddened and concerned by the effects of this little unpleasantness.

Me: Little unpleasantness? Ah, perhaps you're referring to the large up-tick in the purchases of garlic, wooden stakes, and religious icons?

Count (shrugging): No, it isn't that. Those things are merely a symptom of the underlying problem.

Me: Well, I might agree with you on that, but could you elaborate?

Count: Certainly. I fear that an entire generation of humans is going to associate vampires with blood-sucking.

It has been reported that some of the rich are concerned that we will associate wealth with greed. Not making this up.