--Matthew 7:21
"Hi! I'm Jack! I'm a great
automobile mechanic!"
My friend Polly introduced me to Jack the Great
Automobile Mechanic. She and all her friends swore by his
wizardry.
And he opened every conversation in exactly the same
way.
The first time I took my car in for Jack to work on,
I just needed an oil change. He finished up in record time, and I
drove home a satisfied man. The next day, the engine started
smoking on Interstate 35. The tow truck driver asked when I'd
last had my oil changed. I went to visit Polly.
"Just how much do you know about this Jack guy?" I
asked.
"He's a great mechanic," she said.
"You say
that," I said carefully, "but he supposedly changed my oil yesterday,
and today my engine burned out on me. I got towed to the nearest
garage, where they told me that my late, lamented engine was completely
innocent of oil."
"Why, that's awful!"
cried Polly sympathetically. "How lucky that you had just been to see
Jack the Great Automobile Mechanic! Just think how much worse it could've been!"
Ok. I allowed as someone might make a mistake
once in a while. So, some weeks later, I took my car back to Jack
for a brake job. On my way home, the brakes failed at a red
light, and I was almost pancaked by a semi.
As soon as I got out of traction, I went to see
Polly again.
"Look," said I, "it isn't the months in the hospital
I'm pissed about, or all the physical therapy, or even the near-death
experience. It was the new engine I'd just had put in the car!"
"What are you getting so upset about?" she asked.
"You're alive, aren't you?"
"Well, yes," I admitted. "But that's the second
straight serious accident I had after Jack worked on my car."
"So, what are you saying?"
"I'm just asking, well, has anything ever happened
to you after you had your car
serviced by Jack?"
"Hmm," she mused. "Well, there was that one time after he gave me
a tune-up."
"What about it?" I urged.
"My engine fell out on the road," she said.
"Well, don't you see?"
"Of course,
I do!" said Polly. "If it hadn't been for Jack the Great Automobile
Mechanic, I could've been killed!"
"Um, I don't think you're getting it, Polly," I said
as gently as I could. "What makes you think that Jack is a great
automobile mechanic?"
"Why, everyone says so!" she replied. "Especially
him. And such a great automobile mechanic wouldn't lie!"
"But has he ever actually fixed anything?" I persisted.
"Of course,
he has," said Polly. "A great automobile mechanic like him? Are
you kidding?"
"Anything you've seen?"
"What are you getting at?" She glared at me
suspiciously.
"Don't you see that he's a fraud?" I asked. "Sure,
he says he's a great
mechanic, but ..."
"A great automobile
mechanic," she corrected.
"Ok, a great automobile
mechanic," I continued. "But automobile mechanics repair
automobiles. He never fixes anything.
He may talk like a mechanic,
but he doesn't behave like a
mechanic."
"How dare
you impugn the competence of a great automobile mechanic like Jack the
Great Automobile Mechanic!" gasped Polly.
Well, I sure wasn't going to trust Jack again, but
it was clear that I wasn't going to persuade Polly. I turned to
go.
"Oh, wait!" she called as I hobbled out the door.
"There's something I wanted to tell you! I and all my friends
have signed powers of attorney so that Jack the Great Automobile
Mechanic can manage all of our financial affairs. You should, too!"
I was speechless for a moment.
"Wh-wh-what on earth
would possess you," I sputtered, "to entrust such important matters to
that guy?"
"Oh, he's such a great automobile mechanic!" gushed
Polly. "Who else could we trust? And I've also asked him to pick
up my kids after school!"