The Granary

In the old days, the Rats ate everything, and the people starved. That was why the Granary was built.

The Granary was designed to be a secure structure that was impervious to Rats. And so it was, for many years. That doesn't mean that the Rats didn't keep trying to break in, or that they didn't occasionally succeed, but those successes were minor, and quickly quashed.

To defend the Granary, which became the people's central institution, a committee of nine members was established. It was called "the Granary Protection Committee," or GPC. The GPC relentlessly defended the Granary against all foes, foreign and domestic, but especially against Rats. The GPC had a set of core principles, the first and most important of which was "No Rats in the grain!"

As for the Rats, they had fallen on hard times, but Rats are cunning and resourceful creatures. They analyzed the situation. The people had a system of government that they called "democracy." They elected a Council of Representatives and a President, who served as a sort of Alpha Rat. The President appointed members to the GPC, but the Council of Representatives had to approve the President's selections. And the people had these things called "political parties" that fought for power like cats and dogs, or like Rats that had over bred. All of the Presidents and Representatives belonged to one political party or another. "Hmm," thought the Rats. "That sounds like something we could get in on."

And so the Rats founded the Rat Party to compete in the people's elections. It was a dismal failure. Nobody was going to vote for a Rat.

And so the Rats found the Not Rats At All Party, with the slogan, "The other guys are Rats, not us." This was a lot more successful. Every NRAA candidate repeated this over and over. Then they expanded it to "The other guys are Rats, and they want to destroy the Granary and steal all your grain." This was very successful.

Before you could say, "Hey, the Rats are in the grain," the Rats were in the grain. The people elected Rat Presidents and a majority NRAA Council of Representatives.

Now, the GPC was a little trickier, because GPC members had to be literate, a qualification not required of Presidents and Representatives. This left Rats out, so the Rats had to find Rat-friendly humans. This turned out to be not nearly as difficult as you might imagine. Also, GPC members were appointed for life, and membership on the GPC was considered the plummest of jobs. So flipping the GPC was a slow process, but the Rats were patient. Whenever there was an opening on the GPC, the NRAA carefully vetted the President's nominee for Rat-friendly traits. Their "litmus test" was this: No nominee who supported the "No Rats in the grain!" principle could be approved. In other words, no one who was committed to protecting the Granary would be allowed on the Granary Protection Committee. Eventually, they got their Rat-friendly majority on the GPC.

How, you may ask, could this happen? Couldn't people tell the difference between a person and a Rat? In a word, no. Now, there were always some people who could, and they would say to their compatriots, "What are you doing? Those are Rats!" But the Not Rats At All Party had only to say, "Hey, look at our name. We're not Rats at all! How dare they accuse us of being Rats! We are shocked! And we demand an apology. And those are the guys who want to destroy the Granary and steal all your grain. We're the only ones who can protect it." So the people were frightened enough to ignore the whiskers and hairless tails and all that, and they kept returning the Rats - I mean, the Not Rats At All - to power.

As it sometimes happens, however, the people eventually noticed the gigantic food deficit and, against all odds, elected a human President and a majority human Council again. However, the Rats still held a lot of Council seats, and the GPC was still very Rat-friendly. At length, however, the time came for the first human President in decades to make his first appointment to the Granary Protection Committee. His selection was widely acclaimed, except by the NRAA, which opposed it vehemently.

"What," asked the President, "is your objection?"

"We're afraid she might interpret something!" howled the Rats. "Unlike our guys, who just stick to the core principles."