Forest and Trees

The forest creatures fled before the rolling conflagration, uncertain which way to turn. They were very upset with President Weasel because, after all, he was the one who had started the fire.

It was shortly after the first habitat destruction that the creatures started talking about turning out the Weasels in the next forest-wide election. It was the Foxes that first remarked on the prevalence of Weasels on the Woodland Council. They were also the ones who noticed that the Weasels were running a flourishing charcoal business in the devastated part of the forest. Well, ex-forest.

Unfortunately, elections don't come along every day, and the forest was about half gone before the next opportunity arose. Nevertheless, as soon as it did, the woodland creatures turned out in droves to elect Foxes to replace the incumbent Weasels who were up for re-election. Alas, President Weasel's term would not end for two more years, but the message had been sent.

"Yes, I get it," declared President Weasel. "I must take a New Direction on the Forest Fire. Fair enough. I'll double the amount of gasoline I pour on the fire."

"Wha-a-a-t?" gasped the forest creatures en masse. "Are you crazy? Er, crazi-er?"

"We must have the fire for the health of the forest," declaimed President Weasel. "We just need a little more to get the job done. I know you trust me. Support the trees! Only tree-haters oppose the fire! The stories about charcoal profiteering are utter nonsense, by the way."

"Stop the damn' fire!" the creatures implored their new Fox representatives. "That Weasel is certifiable."

"Not to worry!" replied the Foxes reassuringly. "President Weasel has to come to us to fund the fuel for his fire."

"Well, that's simple, then," said the creatures. "Just don't give him any money!"

"Not quite that simple," cautioned the Foxes. "There are still a lot of Weasels in the WC."

"But you have the majority now," the creatures pointed out.

"Well, yes," said the Foxes, "but we have to be responsible."

"Uh, yeah, that's what we mean," said the creatures, but they didn't ask, "Responsible for what?"

The Fire Funding Fight was long and heated. At last, the Foxes pushed through a bill to require the President to gradually stop pouring gasoline on the fire. This seemed ridiculous to most of the forest creatures, but they were willing to accept anything that promised an end -- any end -- to the fire.

Then President Weasel vetoed the bill, and the Foxes let him have his gas money.

"What. On earth. Are. You. Doing?" cried the forest creatures.

"Well, ... he said no," replied the Foxes. "What else could we do? But don't worry! This isn't over! We're going to get really strict about what grade of gasoline he uses! We support the trees!"

"Support the trees?" babbled the creatures. "But the forest is burning to the ground! All our homes! All our ... us!"

"This is not a time for finger-pointing and recrimination," said the Foxes. "It's a time for sober statesmanship and compromise. The Weasels want to burn down the forest and sell it as charcoal. We don't ... as much. We think we can maybe get them to guarantee treatment for ... like, oak wilt. And issue statements encouraging trench-digging. Tax credits for developing fireproofing. That kind of thing. You know, you could become part of the solution by buying fire extinguishers. We might be able to get you a modest subsidy for that."

"What kind of compromise is that?" sobbed the creatures. "The forest is burning, and we elected you to stop it, and you're allowing those maniacs to make the fire worse! What's the matter with you?"

"Now, that doesn't sound like reasonable, moderate talk," chided the Foxes. "You do support the trees, don't you?"