You may detest broccoli. You may despise spinach. You may abhor liver. Or you may be a vegetarian and eat no meat at all. But the next time you think about making your preferences known in public, think again. Just consider the following meticulously-documented cases ...

    Gruff vs. Troll. The Messrs. Gruff were attempting to cross a bridge owned by Mr. Troll. Mr. Troll declined to eat either Mr. Little Billy Goat Gruff or Mr. Middle Billy Goat Gruff. Mr. Big Billy Goat Gruff, who is an attorney, thereupon served papers on Mr. Troll, thrashed him, and dragged him into court. Mr. Troll was accused of demeaning goat meat by his failure to consume the Messrs. Gruff. The jury found Mr. Troll guilty and awarded his bridge to the Gruffs. Mr. Troll was last seen rummaging through dumpsters and learning not to turn his snoot up at goat meat.

    Hood vs. Wolf. Mr. Big Bad Wolf devoured Ms. Hood’s daughter, Little Red Riding Hood, and mother, Grandma Hood. Ms. Hood alleged that, by eating only the people, but not the goodies she had sent to Grandma, Mr. Wolf created adverse publicity for Ms. Hood’s flourishing goodies business. The wolf was obliged to turn his forest over to Ms. Hood and to cease and desist from using the title “Big Bad,” which might make him seem macho to children, who might follow his example in not eating goodies.

    Apple Growers Association vs. White. Ms. Snow White fainted and apparently died upon eating an apple. The AGA contended that Ms. White’s faint caused apple sales to fall by 30%. Ms. White insisted that the apple had been poisoned, and that she intended no harm to the apple industry. Nevertheless, the AGA was awarded half of Prince Charming’s kingdom (in this community-property state), and Ms. White was restricted to living happily for a period not to exceed 20 years.

    Amalgamated Bean Producers vs. Mother of Jack. Jack sold the family cow for a handful of magic beans. The ABP alleges that Ms. Mother of Jack threw the beans out the window, saying, “Now we can have no supper.” The ABP claims that her actions imply that beans, even magic beans, are unfit for consumption. They contend that their profits have not amounted to a hill of beans since. Other parties to the suit included the Cattlemen’s Association (sold the cow instead of eating it), the Association of Poultry Sellers (didn’t eat the magic, golden-egg-laying hen Jack stole from the giant), and Eggs R Us (golden eggs imply that normal eggs aren’t good enough). The jury found for the plaintiffs and divided among them all the loot Jack had stolen. In the meantime, Jack has been incarcerated for violating the Stalking Law.

    Porridge Promoters vs. Locks. The PP alleges that Ms. Goldi Locks did grievous harm to the porridge trade by imposing her arbitrary “Just Right” standard on the consumption of porridge. This case has not been resolved, as Ms. Locks is still on the lam from charges of breaking and entering and criminal trespass.