Fire That Guy!

Dear Mr. Snerd,

I demand that you fire that so-called ventriloquist of yours, that Edgar Bergen! All right-thinking Americans are sick and tired of his shenanigans and sneaky dealings. His sense of humor is bad enough, but this latest scandal is the absolute last straw.

None of us wanted to believe that Mr. Bergen was the source of such a vicious attack, but recent revelations indicate that it was indeed he who informed the media that Ed Sullivan's shoes are really only average in size, and not, as he always claimed, "really big."

You have promised several times to fire anyone on your staff who was proven to be involved with this sleazy business. The time has come for you to keep your word.

Mr. Snerd, I call on you to fire Edgar Bergen!

Yours in righteous indignation,

J. Q. Public

You kids under 50 aren't likely to remember Edgar Bergen the premier ventriloquist of his day. Those who do might wonder why I chose Mortimer Snerd, rather than Bergen's favorite wooden alter ego, Charley McCarthy. However, Mortimer is the very spit and image of George W. Bush. And Bush can't fire Karl Rove for the same reason Mortimer Snerd can't fire Edgar Bergen.