An Evil Plan

The role of prophet, gadfly, and at-large noodge is not an appreciated one. Nevertheless, someone must don the mantle, and apparently, it must be me. Nor do I shrink from this obligation, unpopular and thankless though it be, for is it not written, "Somebody's gotta do it?" So here goes.

By now, you have probably noticed that our current President is the most radical in the history of the Republic, and his party is likewise the most radical ever to muddle our political discourse. And don't be fooled by its sober, patriotic-sounding name! This radical President and this radical party have perpetrated an evil plan on our country and our people. The most insidious part of this plan is that it harms the very people it purports to help. Let me explain.

The allegedly unfortunate people are, in fact, covered and protected by the best system of its kind in the entire world. The President would put these people out on their own, with no jobs, no housing, no food, and no prospects. This "emancipation" thingy is the most evil drivel ever to issue from any governmental entity. It is the poor slaves that I am thinking about, and not my fellow planters and I. History shall reserve a special judgment for this President! And his scrofulous party, too.