"You have kidnapped the child!"
    "You're getting hysterical, Minister."  The Government Man raised his hand, palm outward, in a gesture of restraint.  "We have done no such thing.  We have rescued him, in case you have forgotten.  You must understand that complex matters of this sort take time to sort out."
    "But this is outrageous!  The boy must be repatriated at once!  How can your government even consider keeping him?"
    "Our first concern must be the welfare of the child.  Yours is a decadent, materialistic, godless society, Minister.  Returning the child may endanger his immortal soul.  If we return him, we must ask ourselves how we will be able to answer to God."
    "What nonsense!  Who are you to judge such things, anyway?"
    The Government Man shrugged.  "Perhaps no worse than the next man," he said.  "Consider also your inferior political institutions.  Can you deny that you nation is a rogue state, out of step with international norms of behavior?  What kind of people would we be to subject a child to such a violent political culture?"
    "You have no grounds for such reckless accusations!" fumed the Foreign Minister.  "You're one to talk!  But never mind.  This is not a subject for international politics, and it is unconscionable of your government to make it so.  This is about a father and a son.  The boy should be with his father."
    "Ah, yes.  What about this father, anyway?  Why doesn't he come to claim his son?  Perhaps he doesn't want the child."
    "Rubbish!  Of course, he wants his child."
    "Then maybe you are afraid he'll defect if you let him out of the country."
    "He's free to come and go as he pleases.  We're just afraid you'll pull some political stunt if you get your hands on him."
    "'We're afraid,' hmm?  So, he isn't free to come if he wishes to.  You know, I'll bet he's happy that his son has gotten out of your country."
    "Nonsense!"
    "You have a limited vocabulary.  The boy wants to stay here, you know."
    "What are you talking about?  He wants to go home!"
    "No, he doesn't.  We asked.  He said he wants to stay."
    "Well, of course he would.  You bribe him.  You cajole him.  He has no one else to turn to.  What else could he say to you?"
    "We have only his best interests at heart.  We treat him as we would any child of our own.  The boy knows his own mind."
    "You are shameless!" squealed the Foreign Minister.
    "I?" replied the Government Man.  "On the contrary, it is your government that has repeatedly proven itself shameless.  In any case, the matter is now in the hands of the National Assembly.  They will decide whether the Government of Iran should release an innocent child to the Great Satan."
 

    A case of Elian Abduction.  That is, Elian Gonzalez was abducted by aliens.  Yes, we did good to fish the tyke out of the ocean.  And then we needed some time to sort things out.  But now it's kidnapping.  Excuse me, but this is not complicated.  The boy has a perfectly good father.  Send him home.  If the concept seems difficult, try subtracting all the political crap.  And oh, yes.  Imagine that the child is yours.