Looking after the Chickens
                                                                                       copyright © 2003 by Robert L. Blau

    There was once a farmer who loved his chickens above all other animals.  "Nothing's too good for my chickens," he said, and had a state-of-the-art chicken facility built.  "Yard" just didn't do justice to this wonder of chicken opulence. The new facility had automated egg-gathering, automated feeding, and automated waste disposal.  It had luxurious hen houses with shiny new fixtures, chicken saunas, chicken massage, and Grade A straw for nests.  It had everything a chicken could desire.  Except one.
    The farmer didn't notice it until the facility had already been built.  The gate didn't have a lock.
    "Hmm," mused the farmer. "My chickens won't be safe if I can't lock the gate.  But that's easy to fix.  I'll just buy a padlock at the hardware store."
    And so the farmer set about putting his plan into action.  But just as he was getting into his pick-up to drive to the hardware store, he had a thought.  "Maybe I'm being hasty.  It would be better if I solicited some other opinions before I commit myself to this course of action.  Maybe someone else has a better idea."
    First, the farmer asked the chickens.  They thought a padlock was a splendid idea.
    "Well, that's good," thought the farmer, "but I'd better get a couple of more opinions."
    He asked the horse.
    "Yei-ei-eigh," said the horse. "A lock will keep the chickens out of my wei-ei-eigh, so that I don't step on them."
    He asked the pig.
    "Great," snorted the pig. "I don't want them stealing my corn."
    He asked the sheep.
    "Sounds good to me," baaed the sheep.
    Finally, the farmer asked the fox.
    "It's too expensive," said the fox.
    "I don't think so," said the farmer. "Especially if you consider the savings in potentially lost chickens."
    "Well, it's outside your authority," said the fox. "A government chicken authority has to do it."
    "No way," said the farmer. "These are my chickens."
    "But it's just a waste of time," said the fox. "No one is going to steal your chickens.  They're perfectly safe."
    "Gosh," thought the farmer, "I wonder why the fox has so many objections to a little old lock?"

The new electronic voting systems developed by Diebold and others are rife with opportunities for fraud.  (See, for example, http://www.scoop.co.nz/mason/stories/HL0307/S00065.htmWalden O’Dell, CEO of Diebold and a Bush "Pioneer," has promised to "deliver Ohio" to George Bush in the next election.  Gosh, I wonder how he intends to do that?  Knocking on doors and talking issues, no doubt.  We have already seen remarkable come-from-behind Republican victories in Georgia and Minnesota.  There's no way to verify those votes.  But there's a simple way to fix this situation.  Rep. Rush Holt's Voter Confidence and Increased Accessibility Act of 2003 "would require all voting machines to produce an actual paper record by 2004 that voters can view to check the accuracy of their votes and that election officials can use to verify votes in the event of a computer malfunction, hacking, or other irregularity. " (http://holt.house.gov/issues2.cfm?id=5996)  This is a simple fix to a nonpartisan issue.  It is nonpartisan, right?  Everyone is for fair elections, right?  So why isn't this bill sailing through Congress?  I wonder why the fox has so many objections.