It was early on the morning of the first day.  Adam was blinking away the creation cobwebs.  Eve was taking the first stretch.  And there was a snake lounging in the sun.
    "So, what do you think of it?" asked God with the nervous eagerness of an artist displaying a painting to public scrutiny for the first time.
    "Cool," said Adam.
    "Nice," said Eve.
    The snake didn't say anything.
    "That's it?" God asked.  "Cool?  Nice?  Not stupendous, marvelous?  How about, 'Only the unique creative force of the universe could even have imagined such splendor, let alone brought it to fruition?'"
    "Yeah," said Adam.  "What you said.  This is a pretty neat place, but remember, we don't have any standard of comparison."
    "Are there any rules?" asked Eve.
    "Oh, yeah!" said Adam, at last showing a little excitement.  "Is there anything we aren't allowed to do?"
    "No, not really," said God.  "I would advise you not to eat of the Tree of Arrant Stupidity over there ..."
    "I think we ought to ask the snake's opinion," suggested Eve, but Adam was already off like a shot.  "What do you think?" persisted Eve.
    "Do you know where there's a nice, fat rat?" asked the snake.
    "I think I saw one scurry under that bush," Eve offered helpfully.
    Adam, face smeared with Arrant Stupidity fruit, had already returned.
    "Why, you greedy pig!" scolded Eve.  "You didn't leave any for me!"
    "So, are you going to throw us out of the garden?" asked Adam.
    "No," God replied. "Uh, did you know that you left quite a mess over there?"
    "Is there anything else we're not supposed to do?" asked Adam.
    "It's really all up to you," said God.  "Of course, I would stay away from the Bush of Everlasting Greed and Not Being Able to See Past the Nose on Your Face ..."
    At that, Adam and Eve took off together.  Adam, being the faster, managed to scarf down the majority of the Everlasting Greed berries, but Eve got her share, too.
    "Oh, my," said God, shaking his head.  "I think you're going to regret that."
    "You're going to throw us out, then?" asked Adam.  "It was all the snake's fault."
    The snake, which had acquired a rat-shaped bulge in its middle, gave a comatose burp.
    "No, I told you I'm not going to throw you out," said God. "But there are bound to be consequences if you don't clean up your act ..."
    "Oh, good!" said Adam.
    "What's that long, skinny thing over there?" asked Eve.
    "That's the Vine of Total Self-Absorption and Not Caring Diddly About Anyone Else," said God.  "But I wouldn't ..."
    On cue, the First Couple made a mad dash for the vine.
    "And what's that?" they asked.
    "That's the Briar Patch of Pig Ignorance," said God.  "But ... oh, my."
    Our heroes returned a bit scratched up from that one, but happy nonetheless.
    "Bet your going to throw us out for that one, huh?" probed Adam.
    "Uh, no," said God, "but you've started to make quite a mess around here.  Why don't you clean up a little?"
    "Are you going to throw us out for being sloppy?" asked Eve.
    "No, it's just a matter of good husbandry and manners," said God.  "There are a number of good trees I can refer you to ..."
    But Adam and Eve had moved on to the Rubbish Heap of Let Somebody Else Clean up, the Swamp of Who the Heck Needs You?, and the Meadow of Lounging in the Recliner, Drinking Beer, and Hogging the Remote Control.  By this time, the snake was nowhere to be seen.
    "Say," said Eve one day, "this place is a pigsty."
    "Yeah," Adam agreed.  "How could you give us such a crumby place to live?"
    But there was no answer.
    "It's the snake's fault," said Eve.  "Where is he, anyway?"
    "Well," continued Adam, "we're leaving this dump."
    Just then, the snake slithered up.  He was a lot fatter than they remembered.
    "I just wanted to thank you for making this a snake's dream," said the snake. "The rats are really flourishing."
    "We're leaving the garden," said Adam again.
    "What?" laughed the snake. "The whole world was your garden.  There's nowhere else to go.  But thanks for the rats."