dragon_and_scorpion

Dragon and Scorpion

Once upon a time, in an alternate universe, there lived a mighty dragon. This dragon had in common with other mighty dragons the usual draconian traits: fiery breath, razor-sharp claws, terrible teeth, insatiable greed, and a massive treasure. Now, when I say "terrible teeth," I'm referring to their awesome biting and tearing power, not the dragon's oral hygiene. Although there were rumors about that. In any case, I mention all these attributes merely to demonstrate that what we have here is a bona fide dragon, not because they have any relevance to the story. Because they don't. Not a jot.

As chance would have it, our alternate universe was also home to a sub-mighty scorpion. This scorpion was also pretty much what you would expect in a scorpion: claws, poisonous tail-sting, chitinous sort of shell. And he was pretty big for a scorpion. Maybe the size of one of our Emperor Scorpions. Nothing by dragon standards, but very respectable for a scorpion. Oh. And one other thing. The scorpion was in possession of a marvelous jewel of unsurpassed radiance and beauty. I'm not sure why I'm mentioning this, because it has no more to do with the story than the dragon's bottomless greed.

It came to pass that the dragon got word of the scorpion and his ... Never mind. It was a small alternate universe. Perhaps it was in the process of collapsing. The dragon heard about the scorpion and decided it was an unacceptable threat to the peace and well-being of the world. He therefore called a grand meeting of all the creatures, magical and un, to warn them of the danger and to enlist their assistance.

"Brethren!" roared the dragon, wiping out the first three rows of his audience. "I call you here to warn you of an unprecedented and unparalleled threat to our safety!"

The assemblage was all of a dither, wondering what this fearsome threat might be.

"Well you might wonder what this threat might be!" continued the dragon. "I will tell you: It's the scorpion! We must crush it like a bug! Which it more or less is."

"The scorpion?" scoffed the gryphon, skeptically. "That's it? Ok, I'm going home."

"Wait!" roared the dragon. "It may look cute and cuddly to you, but I assure you that it is not! Think of its terrible claws!"

"You mean, worse than yours?" asked the unicorn.

"Now, when I say 'terrible claws,' I mean nasty, vicious claws," explained the dragon. "Not poor-quality claws, you understand."

"Ho-hum," yawned the assemblage.

"And did you know that the scorpion has a poisonous tail-sting?" added the dragon.

"More poisonous than your breath?" quipped the unicorn, retreating several steps.

"And remember this," hissed the dragon. "The scorpion can steal into your houses while you're sleeping ... and sting you! Did you ever think of that?"

"Say," the cat chimed in from a safe distance, "this wouldn't be the scorpion that has the really, really valuable jewel, would it?"

"Why, ... I wouldn't know about that," lied the dragon. "Anyway, the fabulous jewel is completely irrelevant. It even says so at the beginning of the story."

The unicorn raised its horn. "Ok, I'm curious about one thing," it said. "You're way more dangerous than the scorpion, so how come we're going after it, and not you?"

"That's very simple and obvious," replied the dragon affably. "I'm a good guy, and it's a bad guy. It's ok for me to be powerful because I use my power only for Good. The evil scorpion, on the other hand, intends you harm."

"Well, that's odd," said the unicorn, "because the scorpion has never harmed any of us, and, in our experience, has never used its sting, except in self-defense. Whereas, your abundant outpourings of fire would be legend, if we didn't all know them from experience."

"Well, of course, I use my fiery breath," said the dragon. "I have too, don't I? As the recognized Commander-in-Chief of the Forces of Good, it is my privilege -- nay, my duty! -- to torch the Legions of Darkness. I mean, if you think of it dispassionately, there's no question of where the danger lies."

"Amen to that," replied the assembled in a single voice.