Divine Guidance

It's not that I don't try. I do. It's just that humans are so thick. They just don't get it, where "it" is any blindingly obvious message. Maybe I should just bang 'em upside the head with a two-by-four before trotting out my best instructional materials. You know, get their attention. I'll give you an example.

There's this place called "Texas." Now, before you say anything, I confess that I am not blameless here. Texans were among my earliest experiments in making humans, and they came out a little ... deficient in a number of character areas ... a little thicker, a little meaner, a little more delusional. That kind of thing. I'm sorry. I got the brain a bit wrong.

So the Texas legislature keeps enacting meaner and meaner legislation, year after year, for the systematic abuse of women, children, nonwhite people, and just plain poor people. And their troglodyte governors keep signing them into law. And I decide to punish them in a public and, I think, unmistakeable way. I figure ... what about a millennial-class drought? So I try that, and the drought goes on for years, but they just aren't getting the message. The deeper the drought, the nastier and more draconian the laws.

Ok, I think. This isn't working. They're just too thick. Last year, I thought they'd gotten as ugly as they could get. But no. This year, they pile yet more inhumanity on top of their already impressive load. So I think ... Aha! How about a good flood! That's an old standby. Only, I have to be a little restrained, due to prior promises, you understand.

Kaboom! I open up on Central Texas, where the lege meets. Worst flooding on record! They can't miss that message, right?

Wrong. The waters had barely receded when some maroon in the California lege claimed that I was rewarding good ol' Texas for being mean. "Behold!" she prates. "God ended the drought because He loves horses' asses like Texas!"

Now they notice! Well, I'm not sure I'm done desiccating Texas, but what I really need is some sure-fire way of punishing humans for electing maroons like that to office. The drought in California doesn't seem to be doing the trick.