A Disparity in Fundraising

"This is what I don't understand," I moaned. "Everyone knows they're a bunch of greedy, soulless bloodsuckers. We are more popular. We are more numerous. How come they always have the bursting coffers, while we come up dry?"

I was venting to Mitzi, our senior campaign consultant, who had been around these political wars all her life.

"We-e-ell," she said diplomatically, "to begin with, I wouldn't say we were exactly popular. The donors consider us more like ... a lesser of evils, shall we say?"

"Even if that's true," I persisted, "what kind of sense does it make to favor the greater ever over the lesser? What kind of idiot does that? Like, 'Oh, I that guy's evil incarnate, and you're just a pain in the ass, so ... he gets whatever he wants, and you get squashed."

"The kind that isn't smart enough to recognize a vampire till it's too late," she sighed, "but can swat a mosquito. Especially if it keeps buzzing in their ear. Sometimes, you just need to shut up."

"Yeah, but how else are you supposed to get their attention?" I whined. "I almost lost a wing on that last one."

"Vampires are just more charming than we are, I'm afraid," buzzed Mitzi.

"What does that mean?" I asked poutily.

"They lie better than we do," explained Mitzi.

"So that's why they always win?"

"That," she said, "ownership of the blood banks, and stupid humans."