Dinosaur Extinction Reason Confirmed

Many theories have been advanced to explain the Cretaceous-Tertiary extinction that fossil-fueled the dinosaurs. These include vulcanism, single and multiple asteroid strikes, and poor dental hygiene. Now, however, a comprehensive, multinational study has authoritatively confirmed the cause of this mass extinction. As expected, it was socialism.

The old favorite, the Giant Asteroid Theory, or GAT, would have been way too inconvenient for the dinosaurs. Other explanations for craters 100+ miles in diameter and over a mile in depth could be posited, such as benign, natural crater cycles. Had the GAT been proposed among the dinosaurs, they would undoubtedly have delayed action while they studied it to death. So to speak.

Or they could easily have erected a wall along the Mexican border to mitigate the effects of such a collision.

Evidence, however, suggests that the dinosaurs decided to provide moderately priced health insurance to all dinosaurs. Once, they set scaly taloned toe on that treacherous path, there was no turning back. Thus does history provide a lesson for us all.