copyright © 2004
by Robert L. Blau
"Mr. President! Mr. President!"
"Ah, yes. Always pleased to speak to members
of the Fourth Estate. How can I help you?"
"About this constitutional amendment, Mr. President
... Is it true that you're supporting it?"
"Yes, I am, Orville. And let me tell you
why. It will defend an institution upon which the very foundation
of our society depends."
"But isn't this a subject that would be more
properly handled by the states?"
"No, Orville. I can see how you might think
that, but look at what's going on in some of the Northeastern states -
Massachusetts, Vermont, even parts of New York. What if we let
Massachusetts make its own laws on this subject, and then some of those
people moved down to a more God-fearing state, like Texas or Alabama,
and made demands based on the Massachusetts law?
Unconscionable! Another question. Uh, over there.
Zeke, is it?"
"Yes, Mr. President. But don't you think that
Massachusetts and others are doing the right thing?"
"Gracious, no, Zeke. We're talking about a
fundamental American institution, and one that has deep Biblical
roots. If we let all those renegade states continue their
reckless behavior, it will tear this Union apart. Over
there. Peter?"
"Are there any other reasons why you support the
Defense of Slavery Amendment, President Lincoln?"
"Absolutely, Peter! Got to keep those wealthy
southern planters happy, if I want to get re-elected in '64. And
I won't have to watch my back. They don't assassinate
reactionaries, you know."
"Good point, Mr. President. And what is the
wording of the amendment?"
"'A slave is defined as anyone with any African
ancestry.' Short and sweet. It'll stop those irresponsible
manumissions cold."
"Anything else, Mr. President?"
"Yes. You can fool all of the people some of
the time, and some of the people all of the time. And you can
scare the bejeebers out of most of the people most of the time, which
is good enough to get re-elected."