Debunking the Dragon Myth

Once upon a time, there was a prosperous city, with many well-fed citizens, and a hungry dragon. As so often happens in stories like these, the two intersected in a way that was more beneficial to one party than to the other.

The city had many thriving enterprises, but its greatest source of wealth was gold mining. The gold mines were located at a distance of some miles from the city and were owned by a few wealthy individuals of - shall we say - more than proportional influence. The mine owners had an excellent road built between the city and the mines, and every day, miners traveled it to and from the mines. They would set out in the morning with picks and empty carts and return in the evening with cartloads of gold ore.

Well, enter here, of course, the dragon. He was cruising the upper-level thermals one day, hungry as usual, and noticed activity at ground level. The dragon swooped down for a closer look and discovered that the activity consisted of bipedal comestibles marching in neat lines along a convenient, table-like asphalt surface. It was everything he had been looking for. Further experience revealed to the dragon that the table was set twice daily, once for breakfast, and once for dinner.

It wasn't long before the body count among miners began to be noticed. A certain percentage of the miners who set out in the morning did not reach the mine. In the evening, a further number of those who had survived the morning passage did not return to the city. The indigestible bits, bones and cartilage and such, would show up at unpredictable intervals along the road.

In fact, there were three categories of people who noticed that miners were going missing. Or mostly missing. The people who mainly noticed this phenomenon were the miners' families, but they were not important enough to register on the meter of important city matters. The second category of noticing people were the mine owners. To them, it was an annoying, but small, cost of doing business, as the actual flow of gold into their possession was not affected. They just had to recruit more miners. The third category of noticers was the most problematic. It was the eggheads, the nerdy types who are always noticing things and making up theories about things, even - or especially - if it was none of their business. The eggheads, as such people are wont to do, went out and watched the mine road and watched the skies and took notes and took pictures. After a mere few days, they came to a conclusion.

"It appears," stated the eggheads, "that there is a dragon feeding on our miners. It would be wise to have a moratorium on mining until we can find a solution. But the good news is that there are ways of dealing with dragons. Dragon-proof armaments. Dragon slayers. That kind of thing."

"Stuff and poppycock," said the mine owners.

"No, really," insisted the eggheads. "We have 8 by 10 glossies, and everything."

"Expensive stuff and poppycock," said the mine owners. "You're just a couple of nut cases."

"Actually, no," countered the eggheads. "There is a broad consensus among eggheads that this is a dragon problem."

And people started to listen. Especially miners and people related to miners.

So the mine owners hired some of their own eggheads.

"Yep, it's a dragon," said the mine owners' eggheads.

"You didn't read your conditions of employment very well, did you?" replied the mine owners.

"Oh, right," back-pedaled the hired eggheads. "Couldn't be a dragon. No way. The gold ore was unaffected. Yeah! Everyone knows that dragons like gold! Ah, ha!"

"See?" said the mine owners. "The eggheads are full of crap. Except for our eggheads, of course."

"The dragon treasure story is just a story," countered the eggheads. "What would a dragon do with gold? You can't eat it. You can't have sex with it. It doesn't keep you warm."

"What do you know about having sex with gold?" snapped the mine owners, a little too quickly.

The theory of Dragon Feeding began to achieve wide acceptance.

Then, one day, the dragon contracted a stomach virus. For a week, he couldn't eat a bite. However, it made him a tad grumpy, so instead of munching miners, he torched a few each day, just because.

"Ah, ha!" cried the mine owners' eggheads. "The miners were toasted instead of digested this week! That disproves your theory!"

"Hear, hear," said the mine owners. "Ahem."

"Actually, no," replied the eggheads. "Scorching is also a dragon activity. We don't know why it did that just now, but it certainly isn't cause for celebration, and the overall trend has been feeding, rather than scorching."

Then the dragon went to Poughkeepsie to visit his aunt. Not surprisingly, the predations ceased.

"Ah, ha!" cried the mine owners' eggheads again. "No miner deaths for three days! This certainly disproves your theory! Hah!"

"Yes, hah!" echoed the mine owners.

"You don't seem to understand things like science or logic or what constitutes proof," observed the eggheads.

"Give it up," said the mine owners.

Meantime, the dragon had been reconnecting with his first cousins in Poughkeepsie.

"Yes, yes," said the dragon. "It's fat city over there. They've got this long, table-like thing that fills up with food twice a day."

"Aw, can we come live with you?" begged the cousins. "The pickin's are really meager here."

"Now, now," chided the aunt, "Don't pester your cousin Nolan! I'm sure there aren't enough of those two-legged hors d'oeuvres running around for everyone!"

"Aunt Sadie is right," said Nolan, "but ... wait a minute! It isn't just the long, asphalt table ... Let me think ... Oh, yes! They come out of this large thing with ... walls. And a gate. I guess it's a sort of ... larder. Ok, sure! You can all come. Aunt Sadie, too! We can make a day of it! At least!"