Dead Myron

Myron was almost gone when I stumbled on him. Now, by that, I don't mean that he was almost dead. Dead, he already was. Most assuredly. I mean that he was pretty nearly picked clean.

So I was just stomping along muttering to myself ... or cussing a blue streak to myself, as the case may be, and this voice says, "Hey, what's eatin' you?" And there was this dead water buffalo, and all kinds of things had been eating him.

"Aw, it's the damn insurance," I whined. "I had some surgery about six months ago. I knew my insurance had copays and deductibles, so I was prepared for that. So I paid my copay and a big whack up front, and the rest was submitted to the insurance company."

"Hmm," nodded Myron, as well as a dead buffalo could.

"So after my surgery," I continued, "I get another bill ... but I'm ready for it, see? Because I know insurance companies never pay full whack, and my insurance company is one of the best. They have a crack corps of claim deniers. Best in the business. So I was proud that they paid even less than I expected."

"But then, you were done?" prompted Dead Myron.

"Um, not exactly," I admitted. "Then, I got the anesthesiologist's bill. That was separate, apparently."

"And that was it, eh?"

"Well, no," I replied. "There was the surgical consultant. And the cardiac specialist. And the hospital fee. And ..."

"We seem to have something in common," said Dead Myron. "It started with the lionesses. Took three of 'em to bring me down, and between you and me, I gored one of 'em a new one first. Anyway, they got the, uh, lion's share of my meat. Then came the jackals and hyenas and vultures. Then the flies and ants and roaches. Now, it's pretty much down to the microbes."

"Would you listen to me?" I sighed contritely. "There you are, all dead and all, and here I am, going on about my relatively petty problems. You win the misery contest, hands down. Or hooves down."

"I don't know," mused Dead Myron. "At least, my assailants killed me, ate me, and went home. They didn't keep coming back to tear another piece of live flesh off my still-throbbing carcass."