A Small Price to Pay
copyright © 1999 by Robert L. Blau
"Jesse! This is the Lord speaking."
"Which Lord? Would that be the CEO of United
Tobacconers' Trust, Amalgamated Inhalable Carcinogens, or Nicotar Corporation?"
"No, Jesse. The Lord Lord. God.
The Giver of Life. The Creator of the Universe. The Inventor
of Space and Time."
Jesse was confused. "Hmm. Not in tobacco,
eh? I'll check my list of corporate contributors."
"No, no. Let me make this easy for you.
I'm the CEO and Chairman of the Board of the Universe."
"So? Are you a contributor? My time
is valuable. Have you paid for your share?"
"I'll put it this way, Jesse. Without me,
you don't get squat. Do I have your attention?"
"Undivided," said Jesse.
"I am displeased with the way human beings have
been screwing up my beautiful planet. It is time to make a fresh
start. I am going to bring a great flood to the earth. In seven
days, it will start to rain. The rain will continue for forty days
and forty nights. Every living thing on the planet will be destroyed.
Well, except for creatures that live in the water. And cockroaches.
Even I can't exterminate all the cockroaches. But I am offering you
one chance for survival. I want you to build an ark."
"Yes?"
"But here's the challenge," God continued.
You can't build it alone. You have to build it in cooperation with
Big Bill."
"You mean Big Bill from the other party?
He won't do it."
"He has already agreed. Just listen to what
you can accomplish: If you build the ark together, it will hold everyone.
Nobody has to perish in the flood. All you have to do is cooperate."
"You mean you asked him first?" Jesse
was aghast.
"Yes. What difference does it make?
What do you say?"
"He's going to get the credit!"
"Some of it, yes. About 50%, if my math is
right. And it is. I invented math, you know."
"We couldn't get a building permit in seven days."
"Don't worry about that. You have my
permission to build."
"I don't know how to build an ark."
"I'll help you. I invented shipbuilding, you
know."
"I have a big tobacco deal to broker."
"If you don't act, there won't be any tobacco
in a week. I should know. I created tobacco."
"There are important trade issues."
"There won't be any trade. There won't
even be any nations."
"The agenda's full. I couldn't possibly fit
it in in a week."
"If you don't do this one thing, you'll never finish
anything
on your agenda."
"You know, you're pretty dense for a Supreme Being.
Do I have to spell it out for you? You don't seem to understand politics
at all!"
"You're right there. That's one of the few
things I didn't invent. Lucifer's the expert on that."
"Don't you see that if I cooperate with the other
party, I lose face. It would be a victory for them. But
if I don't, it's a victory for me!"
"But Jesse," said the Lord, "this so-called victory
will cost the lives of untold millions."
Jesse smiled contentedly. "It's a small price
to pay," he said.
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While India and Pakistan play a game of nuclear
chicken, and international terrorism is on the upswing, the Comprehensive
Test Ban Treaty is stalled in the Senate. I wrote a letter
to my two senators asking why this was so. Here, in part,
is the response from Senator Kay B. Hutchison's office: "Senator
Jesse Helms, Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, has already
indicated in a letter to the President that due to a full legislative calendar
this year, the CTBT is not likely to come to a vote." So once again,
we say clearly to the world that we have no commitment to a nuclear test
ban. Not only is it not our top priority, or one of our 20 top priorities.
It doesn't even make the list.