copyright © 2003 by Robert L. Blau

    The Creamy Old Ice Cream Shop had only two flavors of ice cream, chocolate and vanilla, but no one complained.  That was because both flavors were delicious, and, if you got tired of one, you could always choose the other.  Oh, yes.  There was one other thing.  The Creamy Old Ice Cream Shop was the only ice cream shop in town.  Everyone, or almost everyone, in town was content with this.
    Years passed, and the Creamy Old Ice Cream Shop remained the place to go for ice cream.  Customers would come and go, and sometimes they would hail each other cheerfully.  "What kind did you get this time?  Chocolate?  I'm a vanilla man, myself."  "Oh, but the chocolate is particularly good tonight.  You ought to try it!"  And so forth.
    But the prices of milk and sweeteners rose.  Even the stabilizers and emulsifiers became expensive.  Old Joe, the founder of the Creamy Old Ice Cream Shop, struggled to keep his ice cream both delicious and, as they say these days, "affordable." When Old Joe died, his heirs didn't have the heart for the business, and they sold it to Mega Bucks International, or MBI.
    It wasn't long before customers started noticing some changes in the ice cream.
    "You know, the vanilla doesn't taste so good today," one would say.
    "Some days, it's hard to tell the difference between the chocolate and the vanilla," another would say.
    "Well, it hardly matters," a third would say, "since they both suck."
    "Yeah, and the ice cream has a lot more 'old' than 'creamy' in it."
    "And it's more expensive!"
    Some people stopped eating ice cream, but most folks kept on going to the Creamy Old Ice Cream Shop, anyway.  Old habits are hard to break.  And it was still the only ice cream shop in town.
    Then one day, an ice cream lover named Millie burst into the Creamy Old Ice Cream Shop with exciting news.
    "Hey, everybody!  Listen!" said Millie. "There's a new ice cream shop in town!"
    No one seemed to hear.
    "I'll take vanilla," said Harry.
    "Chocolate for me," said Pete.
    "Hey, guys!" Millie called, a little louder. "Didn't you hear me?  There's a new ice cream shop!"
    "This is the only place for ice cream," said Harry.
    "Not anymore," Millie insisted. "There's a new place, and it has 37 different flavors of ice cream, not just chocolate and vanilla.  It's called the 37 Different Flavors of Ice Cream Shop.  Their strawberry cheesecake is delicious!"
    Now everyone in the Creamy Old Ice Cream Shop turned to look at her.
    "Only chocolate and vanilla are good flavors," said Pete. "Everything else is bad."
    "Evil," whispered the MBI counter guy, scratching his head over the open tubs of ice cream.
    "What nonsense!" said Millie. "I've tried several flavors, and they're all good."
    Several people gasped.  Some made signs to ward off evil.
    "Well, I guess you can eat some other flavor, if you like," said Harry, "but a fat lot of good it will do you.  Only vanilla and chocolate are good."
    There was a general nodding and harrumphing in agreement, and everyone turned back to their dry, taste-free brown and white lumps.
    "Hmph!" said Millie. "Well, if all you like is chocolate and vanilla, the 37 Different Flavors of Ice Cream Shop has those, too. And they taste delicious, like they used to taste here before MBI took all the taste out of them and raised the prices.  You know the stuff here tastes like crap.  I've heard you say so."
    "This is the only place for ice cream," Harry repeated.
    "Other places aren't good," said Pete.
    "E-e-evil," intoned the MBI counter guy, sneezing into the vanilla.
    "You know what else?" continued Millie, trying another tack. "The new place is cheaper!"
    "Anyone can make something a little worse and sell it a little cheaper," said Harry. "Somebody famous said that."
    "Yeah.  John Ruskin," said Millie. "But you are choosing worse and more expensive over better and cheaper."
    "We can afford this," said Pete.
    "Affo-o-ordable," said the MBI counter guy, coughing softly into the chocolate.
    "I don't get you guys," said Millie. "You complain about this place all the time, but now that you have an alternative, you won't take it."
    "Millie," said Harry patiently, "you don't get it.  This is the way it is.  You have a choice of chocolate or vanilla at the Creamy Old Ice Cream Shop.  What constitutes chocolate or vanilla is at the sole discretion of the proprietor.  It's bad ice cream, or no ice cream at all.  If you don't like it, you don't have to eat ice cream."
    "But if you don't," added Pete, "you have no right to complain."
    "Demo-o-ocracy," sighed the MBI counter guy, dropping his pants and sitting down on the tub of chocolate.