The Crap Myrtle

Evolutionary Dead Ends: The Crap Myrtle

"Dad, can you tell me again why we don't cross-pollinate with our Cousins Myrtle on the other side of the pond?"

"Certainly, Myrtle. It's because they use an outmoded and disgusting method of waste elimination. They take in sunlight and carbon dioxide and emit a repulsive gas called 'oxygen.' While we, of course, produce a solid waste, which we eliminate via our crap root."

"Which is the one right next to the tap root, right?"

"Exactly, Myrtle!" gushed Dad. "They are Crape Myrtles, while we are Crap Myrtles."

"Only," said Myrtle hesitantly, "our crap is now half way up our trunks, Dad."

"Pish-tosh," said Dad. "That happens once in a while. The dung beetles will take care of it."

"Only," said Myrtle again, "I haven't seen a dung beetle in six months."

"Pish-tosh," repeated Dad. "Remember a couple of years ago, when we had a year like this? Crap up to our branches, not a dung beetle in sight. Then they came back and cleaned up. It's cyclical. We call the cycles 'El Dungo' and 'La Dunga.' We're in an El Dungo cycle."

"Only, ..." began Myrtle.

"You know, I'm tired of hearing that word," said Dad.

"Um, don't the dung beetles breathe that 'oxygen' stuff?" Myrtle finished. "If we aren't replenishing it, won't the ... El Dungo thing just get worse?"

"Now, that's just a theory," scoffed Dad. "You can't believe everything scientists say, especially when it's not what you want to hear."

"And another thing," continued Myrtle. "I don't think this 'crap root next to tap root' thing is working out so well ..."