The Chair tactfully cleared his throat, and the chattering gradually ceased.
    "I'm glad you could all make it here on such short notice, but this is an important meeting.  I have been hearing rumors of discontent.  Discontent about the job, the working conditions, and the company.  I am sorry to hear of this discontent, but, being a positive sort of person myself, I have chosen to see this as an opportunity.  And that's what this meeting is about.  This is going to be a fun place to work, and you, the employees, are going to make it fun!"
    "Uh, excuse me ...?"
    "Yes, Buzz?" queried the Chair.  "You have a question?"
    "We're buzzards," said Buzz.  "We eat carrion.  How do you make that fun?"
    "Ah, but you can eat it with a happy beak or a sad beak," said the Chairbird.  "The choice is yours!  I have found a wonderful book entitled The CORPSE Philosophy that tells us how to eat with a happy beak."
    "I can't read," protested Buzz.  "Is there anyone here who can read?"
    "The CORPSE Philosophy was written by a pack of hyenas in Africa," continued the Chairbird.  "They had gotten a little down in the fangs about having to eat lion leavings all the time.  This book tells how they learned to put a positive spin on carrion consumption.  They call this the CORPSE Philosophy.  CORPSE is an acronym for 'Carrion on Road:  Pleasant, Satisfying Eating.'  It'll keep you howling with laughter.  By hyenas, you know."
    "Does it say anything about how we can get something besides roadkill to eat?  Maybe a filet mignon or a nice shrimp with garlic sauce?" asked another buzzard.
    "You're missing the point," said the Chairbird patiently.  "But never mind.  We're going to have fun!"
    "We eat carrion," said Buzz.  "How are we going to have fun?"
    "First of all, everyone is going to read the book!"
    "Does anyone here know how to read?" inquired Buzz plaintively.
    "Then, we're going to have a Buzzard of the Week!" gushed the Chairbird.  "And do you know who's going to name the Buzzard of the Week?  You are!"
    "Does the Buzzard of the Week have to eat carrion?" asked Buzz.
    "Here's how it's going to work.  I will name the first Buzzard of the Week.  After that, the current Buzzard of the Week will name the next Buzzard of the Week!  Isn't that great?"
    "We eat carrion," said Buzz.
    "But that isn't all!" continued the Chairbird.  "The Buzzard of the Week gets to keep the Corpse for a whole week!"
    "Um, what is 'the Corpse?'"
    "The Corpse is the carcass of a dead rabbit!" crowed the Chairbird, although buzzards don't crow, strictly speaking.  "I considered larger animals, such as deer and pig, but decided that would be a bit much to carry around."
    "We eat carrion," said Buzz.
    "But that isn't all!" said the Chairbird.  "We're going to have lots of fun activities, like parties and trivia contests!  And you are going to do all of it!  Isn't that fun?"
    "So, is any of that instead of eating carrion?" asked Buzz.
    "Of course not!" said the Chairbird.  "This will be in your copious spare time!  But it will make the job fun!  Don't you want this to be a fun place?"
    "We eat carrion," said Buzz.