Climate Change

Global climate change seems to be the topic of the day. With so much argument and so much rancor about it, a person doesn't know what to believe. Still, there seems to be pretty much of a consensus among the cognoscenti that this is really happening, and that it has the potential to wipe out much of the life on the planet. So it is worrisome when one's very own government insists on blowing the subject off as so much left-wing political propaganda. And that's why the President's recent statement to the nation was so encouraging ...

"My fellow citizens, I am here to tell you that there Global Whatchamacallit is for real, and my administration is doing everything in its power to combat it."

"Mr. President, you have been claiming for years that the predicted coming change was a hoax and denounced those who predicted it as Prophets of Doom. Why the change of heart?"

"Well, they are Prophets of Doom, fella. I don't listen to Prophets of Doom. Only Prophets of Profits. And my guys say that people are getting so het up about this global stuff that it's threatening their profits."

"Mr. President, which way do you spell that last word?"

"Never you mind, sonny. It's time to adopt a sensible approach to global climate whatsis before people take matters into their own hands and start changing their lifestyles in ways that could affect business."

"With the future of life on earth at stake, what do you consider 'sensible' and 'not sensible,' Mr. President?"

"'Not sensible' is making statements like, 'With the future of life on earth at stake.' That's one unsensible thing right there. You don't want to go upsetting the whole apple cart and cutting into my rich buddies' profits. That's not sensible. Letting sensible people study this thing a lot more, that's sensible."

"And 'sensible people' would be ...?"

"People that I appoint, of course. Me and my friends are the most sensible people there are. The important thing is to take it nice and slow and not panic."

"Nice and slow is no longer an option, Mr. President. Does your sudden interest in climate change have anything to do with the fact that it has been raining for three days solid?

"Nonsense, fella. Just a spring shower."

"Do you even know the name of the climate change we've been talking about?"

"Sure. It's Global somethin' or other."

"Global Drowning, Mr. President. That's what the prophets call it. That's what Noah calls it."

"Now, I'm gonna track that Noah fella down, if I have to follow him to the ends of the earth."

"Then you'd better start swimming, Mr. President. His ark just sailed by, going due west."

Well, the rain hasn't let up yet, and the top of this tree isn't nearly as high as it looked at first, but I'm sure the 40 days and 40 nights thing is an exaggeration. Our President wouldn't let anything really bad happen.