Citizens Untied

"You don't suppose they'll find in favor, do you?"

He didn't have to be more specific. We all knew what was on his mind.

"No, of course not," I replied, a tad too quickly, perhaps.

"It's just that I don't quite trust the Supreme Court," B.O. continued.

"I do," I said with more confidence than I felt. We were all whistling in the dark, I guess.

"It would be the end of the Republic as we know it," said B.O. "Just think how it would affect the political process."

"The justices are all people, after all," M.B. chipped in. "And the plaintiffs aren't, are they? More like things, really."

"Yes," I added, grateful for the support. "Our creations, actually. We created them to perform business functions, and we have the authority to decommission them, as well."

"You wouldn't think so, to hear some people talk," said B.O. gloomily.

"But really," M.B continued, "how can anyone say they are persons? It's a patent absurdity! Why, where in the Constitution does it say that they are persons? Tell me that! There is no basis for the claim!"

"What they are," I said, "is resources, like gas or coal. Is gas a person?"

We all had a good laugh over that one. It was while we were laughing that the SCOTUS decision was announced ...

It stands to reason, of course, but I must admit that we would have been sweating, if any of us could sweat.

"Not a person!" chirped B.O. with relief. "A human is not a person! The Supreme Court has spoken!"

"Well, of course not," I said. "You can't be a person without a court ruling, can you?"